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blackmica3 05-30-2005 05:08 PM

Down in the dumps
So Saturday night I went into a depression over some fucked up things in my past. Sat there for 4 hours with a bottle of codeine and a glass of water wondering what the hell is keeping me here. I'm still in the depressed mode and haven't slept or ate for 48 hours. I've talked to a couple of people and they have told me to go see a doctor and get put on Prozak(sp?) or some other shit. I just don't know yet. The only thing keeping me here is my daughter. But sometimes I think she would be better off without me being here. Life just sux right now. Have you ever looked around and wondered where your friends were at when you needed them. It jsut seems now when I need a friend to talk to their no where to be found. Sorry for the rant jsut need to get this out.

airchinapilot 05-30-2005 05:52 PM

Down in the dumps
Blacjmica, there are various forms of depression and some of them are the ones you can just get through with a good movie or a good night's sleep and there are other more serious ones that absolutely require that you get help with. You mentioned "sometimes I think she would be better off without me being here." That sounds like you are in trouble. If ending your life has even passed fleetingly through your mind, please pick up the phone and call a hotline. You have to talk with someone, not just type about it on the Internet. You need to hear a human voice. All you have to do is pick up the phone and ask the operator to connect you with a counselling hotline and they will know what to do. Codeine and a drink is not going to help but temporarily if at all.

nappyjim 05-30-2005 05:52 PM

Down in the dumps
Sorry to hear about your problem man, but those people are right. Sounds like you need the help of a doctor. Talking with freinds will help, but they cant be there 24/7 for you.

But whats makes you say your friends are no where to be found? Have you told them? Im sure if you called them and told them how your feeling, if they are your friends, they will come and help you out.

And no, your daughter would not be better with out you. Think of all teh things your gonna do with her as she grows up. Plus, whos gonna be there to keep off all the horny boys when she hits her teens? :) chin up

blackmica3 05-30-2005 06:23 PM

Down in the dumps
I've tried contacting friends and no avail.

And yes I have thought about ending it. And the codeine wasn't to pass the time, it was a full bottle and I was contemplating taking the whole damn thing.

But yeah I'm thinking of going to see a doctor this week. My sister went thur the same thing two months ago and tried ending her life. But now she seems to be doimg better. I have called her and talked. Its just if you folks knew the half of it. But thats something that I need to either learn to deal with or get help for, and like you said typing about it here is not going to help. I just needed to vent. And I'm on these forums 90% of my free time. :lol:

And on the upside, I just broke the Grand Am Series and am no longer a Street Racer on the forums. hahahah

BSos32 05-30-2005 06:29 PM

Down in the dumps
go get some help and quit complaing and start doing something about it.. think of your daughter man

stillwater 05-30-2005 11:11 PM

Down in the dumps
You'd have a hard time od'ing on codeine. I'd bet ten bucks the acetominophen in the pills would get ya first, and that'd be a slow, painful, miserable two days or so while your liver and organs shut down. Think of how unpleasant that would be.

I'd bet ya twenty bucks that your daughter will be waaaaaaay better off with her father around. She might consider her past fucked up too, when she gets older, if she had a father whose fly-covered body she found covered in vomit when she was young, and that was followed by what might wind up being a nightmare childhood in foster care with who-knows-what for parents.

Get thee to a doc quickly my friend, get a script for some antidepressants and in a couple weeks you'll be damn glad you did. Get some therapy too. Whatever the fuck happened in your childhood wasn't your fault so don't go beating yourself up over it. Blame the fuckers that made you feel this way now. If there's a problem with physical or sexual abuse, alcoholic/addict parents, post traumatic stress disorder, anything... do a google search and you'll find a relevant forum and some local numbers you can call for help.

I don't know where your friends are, but some of them are in the right place if they're suggesting you go get some Prozac or something. This won't go away on its own. You need the services of people who spend years in school so that they can help people out. That profession exists because there's a huge demand for it. Don't be afraid to take advantage. That's what they're there for.

Codeine is for headaches, take a couple for that. Don't use it do something you'll definitely regret.

Hang in there. Go get some help. How old is your daughter?

blackmica3 05-30-2005 11:49 PM

Down in the dumps
No bets.

Plan on seeing a doctor hopefully this week. Small town so doctor may be backlogged.

And my daughter is 9.


stillwater 05-31-2005 01:32 PM

Down in the dumps
I'm sure the wait will drag like hell, but I'm certain it will be worth it. If the doctor doesn't appear to be willing to prescribe antidepressants (which I doubt will be the case), tell him you felt like hurting yourself and they certainly will then. Don't be embarrassed, be honest. You won't be the first person he/she's seen that month/week/day with similar troubles. If you feel you can't wait, hit a walk-in clinic. They'll see you the same day. They and your family doctor will likely be able to give you a bunch of sample boxes of drugs too, to save you on your script costs, if that's important. Just ask them.

Ask him to give you a referral to a therapist. Don't accept a psychologist/psychiatrist referral... same thing... way more money. There might be free help available via your work plan or some community center.

Spend lots of time with your daughter and remind yourself of what you, and she, would miss out on if you weren't around. The second worst parent is a dead one. The worst is one who sticks around to abuse their child, either directly or through neglect. Go with curtain number three, for sure. You don't want your daughter blaming herself for your death forever, I'm sure. Trust me, she would.

Hope you have an okay day.

blackmica3 05-31-2005 02:29 PM

Down in the dumps
Yeah the wait is hell. I've just been trying to keep myself busy. Can't sleep so I have to just keep myself doing things. My house is spotless and my yard is weed free. :D

But I would like to Thank you for at least giving me some support. People just don't know what its like and you just need someone to talk to to pass the time. Again THANK YOU!!!!!

murph182 05-31-2005 02:39 PM

Down in the dumps
can I quote myself from another thread?...

dude, you live in Minot.

seriously, though, depression such as this is not the "I'm sad because something didn't work out" variety, it's the "I'm not able to function properly because my body doesn't work right" variety. The fact that your sister went through something very similar almost makes it a slam dunk, considering how common mental illness can be within a family with a history of it.

See a doctor and get some help. Maybe you don't need medication, maybe you only need it for a short time, maybe you'll need it for life. Depends. But seriously, don't accept any treatment that consists of "take these pills and come back in 6 months and tell me how you feel." Without actual therapy sessions with a psychologist or psychiatrist you aren't going to be able to deal with the stuff that medication can't help.

oh, and get the hell out of Minot.

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