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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-29-2009, 01:07 PM Thread Starter
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Graduating soon, need some relationship type advice

I'm a senior in college entering into my last semester. With the prospect of "real life" ahead of me, I've started thinking a lot about what can happen over the course of this upcoming year and how to handle the growing pains that will inevitably come with this transition.

One of the big questions at this point is my girlfriend. We've only been together for about seven months now, but we have spent a lot of time together over the course of those months - for most of it I've been able to see her every day and usually spend a many hours together, even if it's just cooking dinner, grocery shopping, or doing laundry together. I can honestly say that she is the only girl I've ever dated that I really really click with. She's smart, funny, and down to earth. I love her, and she loves me.

What everything comes down to is essentially the question of career versus family. I haven't really started my job search in earnest, it's still early for that, but I could pursue a job in my field and start building my career. Best case scenario, I'd live and work in DC a couple hours away from her. Worst case scenario, my job would send me overseas (I'm an international relations major). It's possible, but highly unlikely that I would be able to find a job in this field in the same state as her. It would be difficult going from such close contact to only seeing each other a couple weekends a month, maybe less. She also just changed her major and essentially put her back at the start, so she has 2-3 years of school left. Understandably, she is afraid that I would get tired of driving up to see her a lot, since a lot of it would be rush hour and so on. I like driving, I don't mind spending time in my car, but I don't know how well things could move forward in our relationship with some limited contact.

My other option would be to put off career development for awhile, maybe until she's done with school. I could get a job waitering, maybe eventually bartending, doing something temporary and saving up some money for awhile. I could also dedicate a lot more time to something like studying for the GREs than I would be able to now, or if I had a full-time job, and eventually use the money I save to go to grad school. Obviously, this way I would be able to see her a lot more. We've talked about maybe even moving in together in a year when the lease she just signed is up.

We want to build a life together, I'm just not sure how to go about doing it. Does anyone have any experience with any of this or advice to give me?

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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-29-2009, 01:13 PM
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Re: Graduating soon, need some relationship type advice

Watch the movie "The Famly Man".

i wouldn't worry too much until you get that job offer overseas or out of state...you might end up being a waiter for a while no matter what you want to do....

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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-29-2009, 01:19 PM
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Re: Graduating soon, need some relationship type advice

[quote author=John_in_the_LBC link=topic=163847.msg3475045#msg3475045 date=1262110411]
i wouldn't worry too much until you get that job offer overseas or out of state...you might end up being a waiter for a while no matter what you want to do....
[/quote]

Excellent point. It's a craptacular time to be entering the work force.

Like John said, don't get ahead of yourself. Having said that, I wouldn't turn down a good job in order to stay around her, even if temporarily. That usually leads to a level of resentment in the relationship and it likely won't last anyways.
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-29-2009, 01:27 PM
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Re: Graduating soon, need some relationship type advice

Agreed, don't turn down a job offer because of a relationship.
I firmly believe that near or far, any real, lasting relationship is a lot of work. All the time.

If you don't put in the effort when you are apart, or during a rough patch, you won't put in the effort
when things are going well. And that relationship is doomed to failure every time.
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-29-2009, 01:57 PM
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Re: Graduating soon, need some relationship type advice

Just go with the flow. You're thinking ahead when you never know what's going to pop up.

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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-29-2009, 02:08 PM
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Re: Graduating soon, need some relationship type advice

[quote author=fatabbot link=topic=163847.msg3475050#msg3475050 date=1262110799]
[quote author=John_in_the_LBC link=topic=163847.msg3475045#msg3475045 date=1262110411]
i wouldn't worry too much until you get that job offer overseas or out of state...you might end up being a waiter for a while no matter what you want to do....
[/quote]

Excellent point. It's a craptacular time to be entering the work force.

Like John said, don't get ahead of yourself. Having said that, I wouldn't turn down a good job in order to stay around her, even if temporarily. That usually leads to a level of resentment in the relationship and it likely won't last anyways.
[/quote]

+1, as a converse if you do get a really great job somewhere, why doesn't she look at transfering schools to be near you? Heck if you two really want to be together that is a better idea then turning down a good job opportunity.
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-29-2009, 02:20 PM
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Re: Graduating soon, need some relationship type advice

get the job, and spend some time apart. If you both want it badly enough, then you'll be able to work through that time together and just see less of each other. Plus, if you have a good job for a couple of years, then you will really be able to afford a nice life together after she graduates. (Skype always makes the long distance thing a little easier, too )
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-29-2009, 02:29 PM
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Re: Graduating soon, need some relationship type advice

Agree with what has been stated above. You and your girlfriend will both need to know that a relationship takes two people. You can't always be sacrificing what you want to make her happy.

I ended a few month relationship this summer for reasons much like yours. She's a med school student in North Dakota. As much as I wanted us to work, I could never mentally get comfortable with dating someone that far away, long-term. She came in for Christmas break and told me where she'll be for year 3 and year 4 of Med school. Year 3 is in Bismarke, and year 4 is in Minot, South Dakota.

If I wanted to move and be with her, I would possibly have to get a new job 3 different times. Then, she would still have to apply for Residency and wouldn't know where she was going to be.

We talked about if she could transfer to Med School in our home state, but the process is full of jumping through hoops and she wasn't guaranteed she would get accepted. I found out, quickly, that Med School is not like graduate school or undergrad. It's much like the army and you go where they tell you and where they accept you.

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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-30-2009, 12:22 AM
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Re: Graduating soon, need some relationship type advice

i was in a long distance relationship for 2 years before i graduated...im still with her

what we did was we both looked for jobs...which ever one of us found and signed one first the other would move with them and find a job in the area...i won on this one she moved with me to st. louis, this has worked for us...we are still together and she now has a great full time position...i know i would have followed her if she found a job first

look you gotta just decide what you want......if your relationship can handle it...i would say get a job first and do the long distance thing...in the troubing economy starting your career early will onlly help you in the long run...ecspecially since she is still in school...but are you willing to sacrafice your career for her? if so and you are comfortable with it...then just stay with her in the area

it all comes down to what you want....personally....with such a short time put into the relationship....i would pick my career....but that is just me


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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-30-2009, 10:24 AM
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Re: Graduating soon, need some relationship type advice

A really good relationship is forever while a job tends to be a temporary thing, especially the first one you get coming out of college. If this girl means everything to you then explore your options of being around her more. If you have your doubts about her being worth it then just go seek out your job first and put her second.

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