Merry Christmas to me (divorce) - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
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post #1 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-22-2009, 10:44 AM Thread Starter
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Merry Christmas to me (divorce)

Well long story short, my wife decided after 2 kids and 6 years of marriage that she was going to leave. 12/14 just another day for no apparent reason she up and left. Called me and told me she'll be signing the house over to me, the credit cards haven't been paid in 3 months, my cars about to be repo'd, and she'll pick up the kids every weekend.

WTF. 6 years of marriage just so when times are tight she can walk out? I'm more than pissed. Walk out on me and we're good, but to walk out on your kids because of what. She then tells me she'll watch the kids Christmas break then ends up watching them for 2 days and then taking off.

Looks like my car is about to be no more. I've gone over the finances since she left and have to face the cold hard facts. The car is gone. My wife and I are filing for a divorce and she's being a bitch about everything. Told me she won't help with the mortgage payment on the house even if it means I'll lose the house. I had asked she just help a little till the divorce goes through to give me some time to make arrangements. Nope, Nope and yea not gonna happen.

Good part I guess is I had planned it out in advance if we ever split that I'd be able to cover the mortgage. Never did I think she'd stick me with the kids. Don't get me wrong I love my kids. Just thought she'd atleast help with them and I wouldn't have to force her to be a mother. I guess it's a blessing in disguise but fuck. All I've told her since this happens is I hope the grass is really greener when she gets there. Also told her that I hope things work out for her and that she's able to step up for the kids.

Anyways sorry to rant. Just really needed to get it out there. Merry Christmas right? LOL. Bah Humbug.
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post #2 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-22-2009, 11:15 AM
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Re: Merry Christmas to me (divorce)


Been there done that and guess what YOUR!!! Grass will be greener trust me. First thing first is if she is willing to sign off on the house get it done ASAP take her to the bank refinance quickly. (BEFOR SHE LAWYERS UP) Then when thatís done have her sign a child custody divorce decree stating you have custody of the children mon-Friday and will be primary custodial parent. Go to the county court office and they will give you a packet for how to file divorce by yourself. Its relatively easy/cheaper if she is amicable. And have a lawyer review all your documents befor submitting them to the court. If she lawyers up good luck you will be loose everthing to the lawyers fees. My divorce cost me about $1000 total including refinance. Mostly notary fees as everything needs to be notarized!!!


After she signs all that in front of a notary nail HER!!!! For child support. :-) As long as you can swing the mortgage. Refinance all YOUR!! debt into the new mortgage. Any credit cards with her as primary let her rot with them just get your credit report and contact the cards that you are an authorized user and tell them to remove you. You are only responsible as primary account or joint account holder.

I personally dropped 2% on my mortgage and yea had to go out to 30yrs again but my payment went up $23/month with all the debt rolled in. You have to refinance to get her off the deed and title!!!! I have been better off ever since. Bills are paid and current and the house is in order. Thought I would never make it when it happened. It took a few years but I am back on track with a great credit score too.


The only problem is the kids hopefully she will step up. My ex did the same thing. However I am happier today than I was for the last 4 years of my marriage and have more money in the bank too. Also depend on family yours and hers if they are willing. Grandparents/ aunts / uncles sisters/ brothers will be your saving grace. Or at lease sanity. I assume your kids are little ones.

Good luck and treat the divorce as a hostile take over take what you can while she is willing to sign because once she gets to talking to a lawyer or her g/f your in trouble!
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post #3 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-22-2009, 11:25 AM
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Re: Merry Christmas to me (divorce)

She can sign a quit claim deed on the house, but that really only comes into play when you sell it later on.

With other bills being so far behind, there's no way he's going to be able to refinance in this lending environment. Further, a refinance loan in CA is a recourse loan unlike the initial purchase loan. If, for whatever reason, he refinances and then loses the house anyways, he'll potentially be on the hook for any losses sustained by the bank.

Only thing I can offer except sympathy is to remind you to not let your pride ruin your life. Your credit's already gonna get screwed, so it may be better to give the bank the keys to your house so you have money for more important things. Owning a home is no blessing when it makes you poor.
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post #4 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-22-2009, 11:35 AM
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Re: Merry Christmas to me (divorce)

50% of the time, it happens everytime

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post #5 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-22-2009, 11:36 AM
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Re: Merry Christmas to me (divorce)

Buying/owning a home in today economy is no blessing at all, especially if you bought it at the height of the housing boom. I waited till i "knew" the housing market wasn't going to drop much more. I still lost roughly 6k since i bought it tho, summer of 07.

Good luck with your divorce tho OP, I know its not easy advise to take but try not to let it hurt your pride. Women are NUTS, not to sound sexist but in my 26 years I've found little to prove me wrong. And though their insanity suck for us it also tends to be their downfall. But I'm sure you already know this. Good luck OP, keep your chin up.

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post #6 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-22-2009, 11:45 AM
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Re: Merry Christmas to me (divorce)

:sad: bummer, sorry mang. take care of them kids and f* her.

if you get in mortgage trouble, contact a group like NACA for assistance in modifying your loan.

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post #7 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-22-2009, 12:07 PM
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Re: Merry Christmas to me (divorce)

[quote author=fatabbot link=topic=163419.msg3467608#msg3467608 date=1261499103]

With other bills being so far behind, there's no way he's going to be able to refinance in this lending environment.  Further, a refinance loan in CA is a recourse loan unlike the initial purchase loan.  If, for whatever reason, he refinances and then loses the house anyways, he'll potentially be on the hook for any losses sustained by the bank.

Your credit's already gonna get screwed, so it may be better to give the bank the keys to your house so you have money for more important things.  [/quote]

Fortunately I was doing all this during the boom of real estate so I made out.  I also did not allow her to ever tap into any equity lines of credit so I had rediculous equity in the house do to the upswing and purchasing the home in 2001 normal prices.    He really didn't state how much debt he had so if its reasonable 15k or less and he didnt buy during the peak he should be alright.  Again not alot of financial info including if it was a fixed mortgage or adjustable (shiver).  Only he can decide that. 

But I would try to save the house if he can.  Prices will return in the next 5-7 years and at least he will pay down the pricipal during that time.  Also the bank will look over the entire history not just the past 3 months.  If he had been on time for the last 6 years and had a hicup for 3 months and he qualifies he will be ok. If he hasnt been so good welll yea?

I dissagree about the house at this time his kids need the stability of not moving to a new place if he can.  Mommies gone but the rest is status quo.  Keeping as much the same during a divorce will keep the kids as happy as they can be during this time.  Same room, same bed, same friends, same routine, is best.    Also trying to hold out until the market gets better opposed to paying rent to someone else is always a better idea.  I dont know about CA but on this side of the world a 3 bedroom apt is same/more than my mortgage payment.  If you can find one and renting someone elses house is retarted if you own one.  Just  my

My only suggestion is to take hold and run with the energy/anger and her stupidity to get her to sign over the world. I have know too many people who wait and wait only to declair banckrupsy (Sp?) because the lawyers took everthing because they both got stupid and could only talk thru lawyers. My friend told me the same advice and it was over in 3 months and nominal cost for it. Cost me big on the payout for the equity but did what I had to. She is willling to walk away.

Also credit cards will allow you to temporarily close out the account (12 months) and forgive alot of interest if you set up a payment plan. I eliminated alot of debt that way.
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post #8 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-22-2009, 12:28 PM
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Re: Merry Christmas to me (divorce)

As you said, we don't have all of the info. Chances are, though, that the houses in his area will take longer than a decade to reach their prices during the boom (as every market analyst has predicted for SoCal).

As far as the status quo, I have to disagree. Ideally, yes, but he can't afford his Fusion, the mortgage and taking care of the kids as it is. Is it more important to stay in the same home instead of renting one but have zero financial stability/security or to live within his means and provide a future for his family?

Sorry, having a parent one financial disaster away from ruin isn't good for any child. Nobody's ever built a good life for a family using that mindset.
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post #9 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-22-2009, 12:34 PM
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Re: Merry Christmas to me (divorce)

That really sucks in a lot of ways. Certainly not in defense of your, soon to be, ex-wife, but odds are good it wasn't finances that drove her to divorce, probably other stuff as well.

Men tend to bitch about what is bothering them up until the end, women bitch about what is bothering them, but then they clam up and let is fester and decide just to trash the relationship in the end. So it seems like it came out of nowhere, but it frequently is grounded in something. That of course isn't always 100% true about either gender, but that is the pattern in most divorces. I find it funny to as women tend to be the 'more open' gender...but not when it comes to their relationship problems...at least not about serious problems.

+1 on what Fatabbot is saying.

For the wife, definitely hit her for child support. Also if you have joint accounts, there isn't really any choice on if she is helping with the payments of things, just withdraw the money for the payments so long as you two aren't legally seperated. HOWEVER, don't empty accounts. A divorce judge is going to look at that pretty damned unfavorably.

Definitely get her to sign child custody papers now.
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post #10 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-22-2009, 12:38 PM
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Re: Merry Christmas to me (divorce)

[quote author=fatabbot link=topic=163419.msg3467688#msg3467688 date=1261502904]


Sorry, having a parent one financial disaster away from ruin isn't good for any child. Nobody's ever built a good life for a family using that mindset.
[/quote]

I agree however if he was stupid enough to have a "stay at home mom" hes screwed. Average child support for two kids is around $1,000-1600/month without incidentals. But he has to win that battle and I bet it will help his financials. He has an uphill battle being a man with children but I bet her story changes when she finds out she can get $2800-3k a month in child support and allemony if she was a "stay at home mom". I have one friend paying almost 5k a month in child support and alimony for 6 kids. He works 18hrs a day and saturdays between two jobs and lives with his parents and she still rakes him over for every doctor visit/incidental. Gotta love "stay at home moms" Sorry ladies.
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