I feel like I'm going through a divorce.... - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
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post #1 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-30-2009, 09:30 PM Thread Starter
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I feel like I'm going through a divorce....

Hi,

I recently broke up with my bf of almost 13 years. He was my first love, first everything. Approx 2-3 years ago, things started to change. He became emotionally abusive towards me and I didn't realize it until recently.  I didn't even know what signs to look for until after I broke up with him and did some research on the subject. 

I have loved the guy practically my whole life. I would do anything for him, any time he needed me, I was there. It seemed like most of the time, he had no one and I was always there to help him the best way I could. 

I did his laundry, ran errands for him, cooked, if he forgot his phone  wallet or I would bring it to his work, any time I went to the store I asked if he needed anything, taped his shows when he asked me to, brought him food to his work because he worked late hours, etc.

Each time we had an argument, big or small, I wanted to work things out. I tried to talk to him calmly but he would ignore me by playing on the PC, watching TV, playing on his phone, made me chase him or follow him around the house, wouldn't look me in the eyes. He would say: "Fine, sorry" in a forced tone just to shut me up and end the conversation as fast as possible. Any problem that came up, he didn't want to deal with it...period.

I blamed myself, maybe I'm not good enough, or maybe I need to change. I changed myself for him....adapted myself to his interests.  Anything I liked, he belittled me for, made me feel stupid for liking the things I did, said it was childish, etc.  If I said or did something he didn't like, he would call me stupid or dumbass.

The past 2-3 years, things became worse....he made me feel like a child always asking in anticipation if we could go somewhere or do something. If he agreed to do something I liked or wanted to do, he would be so grouchy about it and have the worst attitude. Upon arrival of the destination, he would ask: "When are we leaving?" 

When I tried to hug him, he would let out a deep breath and then told me: "Now go away" and would start playing on his computer again. He sometimes said I was clingy any time I wanted to show affection.

He wouldn't hold my hand in public...he said we weren't teenagers or it was too hot to hold hands.

Whenever I stood up or defended myself he would turn it around and make me feel guilty and make me the one who was sorry.

Whenever I bought anything, he would start ranting and making it sound like I was spending his money. I told him I don't care what he buys so why does he care what I buy?  He constantly ranted.

One time I wore a blue shirt to work. He made fun of me and called me a cloud and laughed at me. I felt so horrible that I eventually changed my shirt and went back to work.

When he was around my family, from day one, he would sit on a chair and read or play on his phone in another room and wouldn't interract with my family. They were nice to him, tried to include him in things and even paid for him to on trips and he didn't appreciate it. 

For my birthday, I made plans to go somewhere in advance. He took a whole week off of work and I asked him to wake up early 1 day out of that whole week. My siblings were going with us since they were going out of town and would miss my b-day.  He woke me up at 3:30am and said he couldn't sleep, he tried to drink milk or read and just couldn't sleep. When my alarm went off later, I woke him up to get ready. I had to pick up my siblings from my parents house and they were waiting. He threw a fit, said he only got an hour of sleep, to reschedule or go without him. He got up, got dressed, washed his face and said: "Don't talk to me the whole day. I don't care what your brother says."  He threw a fit and won and got to stay home and sleep.  He promised to take me out 2 days later but that was a disaster. He complained it was too hot, sat on a bench and read a book, asked if we could just watch a movie and leave, which is what we ended up doing.

He gave me birthday card and it said: "Inside every person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened. I remember when I used to remember everything, whether it happened or not. You are only young once, but you will always be immature."  He also handed me a $100 bill and said: "Go buy whatever."  I told him the card was hurtful and he said I take things too seriously and that it was hilarious.

When he was angry and was driving his car, he would speed and drive to the point where I got freaked out. If I said anything, he would still drive recklessly. 

He never mentioned me to his co-workers. He said none of them talked about their partners. I found it odd. When he went drinking with them, I asked if I could come. He said I don't drink, what for? He also said that all they talk about is work and I would be bored.  I felt like he was ashamed of me... even though he denied it. He made fun of me for not liking to drink and said: "Yeah, you're REAL fun!"

If I was brushing my teeth and he was in the bathroom, he would complain that he can't stand the noise and ask me to go to another room or he would leave and close the door so he wouldn't be able to hear it.

He never looked me in the eyes when he talked to me and others noticed this as well when he spoke to them.

If I was mad at him, he would make me forgive him right away by trying to act cute and saying things like: "you're so cute when you're mad."  If he was mad at me, he would never let me forget it, even if he said he forgave me, he constantly brought it up later on.

If we had an argument, he would make me chase after him (physically). He would also make empty threatts that he was moving out but never did.

When I broke up with him, he said he wanted to leave, wanted to leave, I said: "Fine. Then go"  I think that shocked him because not once, did I try to stop him.  I gave him until the end of this month (4 weeks) to find an apartment.

His mom had to help him find a place and help him move. He moved his stuff out in an unorganized manner and took forever.  He also wasn't going to tell me he found a place. A couple days ago, I text him that he still had a lot of stuff and he needed to get it. He asked me to throw it out. I said it was too large to throw out and also it's HIS things, HE needs to deal with it. He had already filled up our trash cans with all of his things.

He brought his uncle and picked up his things. I wasn't at the house but he saw my car outside. He asked a relative of mine: "Oh, is X  not at home?" and they said: "No, she's out of town."  Then he said: "Oh, did she go to X?" and they said: "No."  He thought I was at my older sister's place but I wasn't. 

This is the hardest and most horrible thing I've ever had to go through. I started seeing a therapist to help me. My friends and family have been supportive.  The guy honestly has no friends, is not close to his family because he pushes them away. He said he only talks about work with his co-workers.

I don't know if he cheated on me in the end but at this point, it doesn't matter any more.  In the end, he admitted that I wasn't a bad gf towards him and wasn't mean to him. So why the hell was he mean to me? I felt like I did something wrong but I realize now that it is HIM who has issues and HIM who has problems.

I hope that those of you who are in similar situations have the courage to leave. I know a girl who is with someone who is abusive and she is afraid to leave him, despite all my warnings and trying to help her, she refuses. 


I've been fighting the urge to contact him. So far I haven't and it's been almost a week. I am really trying hard to find out who I am again, because I completely lost myself and my voice in this relationship. I'm afraid he may contact me because in the past, I broke up with him and he would say he was sorry, took me for granted, still loved me and would want to get back together. That was back when we were 16-20 years old. I don't know what will happen now but I'm afraid he will try to contact me again...


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post #2 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-30-2009, 09:50 PM
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Re: I feel like I'm going through a divorce....

strong first post

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fucking pringle bastards.
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post #3 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-30-2009, 10:29 PM
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Re: I feel like I'm going through a divorce....

[quote author=budgy link=topic=151964.msg3256034#msg3256034 date=1249005021]
strong first post
[/quote]

Indeed, someone likes to make an entrance!


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post #4 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-30-2009, 10:34 PM
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Re: I feel like I'm going through a divorce....

[quote author=budgy link=topic=151964.msg3256034#msg3256034 date=1249005021]
strong first post
[/quote]
indeed

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post #5 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-30-2009, 10:36 PM
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Re: I feel like I'm going through a divorce....

word.


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post #6 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-30-2009, 10:59 PM
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Re: I feel like I'm going through a divorce....

We're all so supportive Anybody actually read through the whole thing?


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post #7 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-30-2009, 11:01 PM
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Re: I feel like I'm going through a divorce....

[quote author=Alec Trevelyan link=topic=151964.msg3256159#msg3256159 date=1249009176]
Anybody actually read through the whole thing?
[/quote]

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post #8 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-30-2009, 11:22 PM
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Re: I feel like I'm going through a divorce....

bottom line is this

his car had too many miles on it, he needed a new one

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post #9 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-31-2009, 12:37 AM
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Re: I feel like I'm going through a divorce....

lol, i at least read enough to know the op is a chick.

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fucking pringle bastards.
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post #10 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-31-2009, 12:54 AM
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Re: I feel like I'm going through a divorce....

Why would you love someone like that, that's my question. You asked for it. If someone doesn't pay you respect, why pay any back?


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