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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-14-2009, 03:36 PM Thread Starter
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Thoughtless

Okay, so I guess I should just cut my balls off and join a 'wedding board', but frankly those people scare me (yes wife, if you ever read my thread I am talking about you! Yeah, she was on one back in the day).

I get that weddings are about the bride and groom, but why the hell is it that the bride and groom rarely seem to think about their guests at all? My wife and I certainly tried to take our guests in to consideration as much as possible (from making sure there were 3 different dishes for 3 different friends with fairly unique allergies to an all veggie dish for our one extreme vegan friend to having it fairly early for all of our older relatives).

Case in point, my wife's cousin's wedding. PS they are already married (shotgun wedding, sort of), they are just having the ceremony now.

The wedding is labor day weekend. I get that for some people they think its easier for people to travel on a holidy weekend to visit, but face it, for most people it means more traffic, more expensive plane tickets and missing out on enjoying a holiday weekend at the beach or something similar. So annoying, but whatever, I get why couples think this is a wonderful idea.

So chalk that up in the 'annoying catagory'.

Next the ceremony doesn't start until 6pm. I can't honestly think of a single wedding I've been to or heard of from friends/family that has started after 5pm. Even in the summer. Keep in mind here my wife and I have a, by the wedding, a 19 month old son who likes to go to sleep by around 7pm. Then the reception isn't supposed to start until 9pm. Yes you heard right, 9pm. They want to squeeze in 2hrs of pictures before the reception. So no dinner until 9pm at the EARLIEST. Next note, my son hits a wall at about 5:30 right now, if he doesn't have dinner by around then things get UGLY.

Their plan is to party till 1 or 2 in the morning with all their friends.

Please note, all their friends (I mean basically every single one) at this point have children between the age of almost born to 3yrs old. Most are traveling fairly long distances to get there.

Next item, the reception site is 30 minutes from the hotel and from her parent's house (we will likely be staying at her parent's house).

They have a, what will by the wedding, be a 7 month old daughter who will be watched by a baby sitter (they live on long island as well please note). Okay, so they have no problems getting a baby sitter and meeting him/her in advance, cool for them.

Not so cool for a quarter of their guests (all of their friends and some of their family) who all have young children who either

A) Need to leave their young child with relatives to attend the wedding
B) Need to hire a baby sitter sight-unseen (cold chance in hell)
C) Bring their child with them and
1) Hope their child isn't going to melt down being up several hours past their bed time
2) Leave the wedding early (possibly even before the reception)
3) Have one of the parents of the child leave early

So my wife and I are tending toward C3. We are going to see about my in-laws being able to get my dinner boxed and drive it over and then head back to the reception so that I can put our son to bed at a somewhat humane (for him) time and then watch him.

No, the ceremony and reception sites are not booked earlier in the day, they just want a 'party at night' for their wedding despite half their guests either being elderly or having young children. Party through the night I say, but don't make it really hard for a lot of your guests to attend any of the wedding (and 9pm or later for dinner, really? Ain't that a little late?).

*end rant*

Anyone else attend a wedding where it seemed like the bride/groom were totally not taking anyone else in to consideration. I don't mean bending the whole thing for a single guest, if my wife and I were the only people with a young child I would totally understand, but when 1 in 4 people (or more!) on the guest list are being ignored...
-Matt
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-14-2009, 03:37 PM
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Re: Thoughtless

We had ours on the first off-season weekend of September, so plane tickets and hotel rooms were tons cheaper than they would have been the week before. How's that for considerate


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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-14-2009, 03:42 PM
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Re: Thoughtless

Could be worse. My sister's friend is getting married soon and her and her fiance (who incidentally went to school with my brother and graduated two years after me) are actually making the bridesmaids and groomsmen pay for a bunch of stuff that they shouldn't be paying for. I forgot all the stuff off the top of my head, usually I tune my sister out when she starts complaining lol.

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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-14-2009, 03:45 PM
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Re: Thoughtless

Yeah, all ours paid for were their dresses and such, and the bridesmaids chipped in for the shower.


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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-14-2009, 04:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Thoughtless

[quote author=Timotheus link=topic=145098.msg3123164#msg3123164 date=1242330154]
Could be worse. My sister's friend is getting married soon and her and her fiance (who incidentally went to school with my brother and graduated two years after me) are actually making the bridesmaids and groomsmen pay for a bunch of stuff that they shouldn't be paying for. I forgot all the stuff off the top of my head, usually I tune my sister out when she starts complaining lol.
[/quote]

Gah, reminds me of one of my wife's friends. My wife was in her bridal party and she wanted her bridesmaids to take her to Atlantic city. She had the whole thing planned out (isn't that the maid-of-honors job?). Total tab would have been something like $800 for the bachelorette party (my wife's cost plus covering the bride for the weekend), not including wedding gift, shower gift and dress. She was the same bride who at our wedding gushed for about 30 minutes straight about her amazing engagement ring (she had gotten engaged about a week prior to our wedding) and how wonderful her wedding was going to be until our wedding planner told her to kindly shut her mouth, this day was about my wife. Also note total her and her then fiance spent something like $200 total on our wedding including dress and gifts...and showed up halfway through the pictures (they were at 11 till 3, ceremony at 4:30). My wife sent a 'sorry, but prior plans that weekend' note along with a bottle of champaign. Amussingly the bottle that the hotel gave us for our wedding which we never got around to opening.

Her wedding was memorial day weekend. We litterally left from the wedding (thank god a midday reception) about halfway through the reception to drive out to my in-law's at the beach (so as not to be leaving at like 10 at night for a 3hr drive to the beach) for a big family get together.
-Matt
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-14-2009, 09:05 PM
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Re: Thoughtless

[quote author=azazel1024 link=topic=145098.msg3123152#msg3123152 date=1242329765]
I get that weddings are about the bride and groom, but why the hell is it that the bride and groom rarely seem to think about their guests at all? My wife and I certainly tried to take our guests in to consideration as much as possible (from making sure there were 3 different dishes for 3 different friends with fairly unique allergies to an all veggie dish for our one extreme vegan friend to having it fairly early for all of our older relatives).
[/quote]
This is where is starts and ends. You understand that it is about them and not about you or your family. You went out of your way on your wedding and that is a good thing but, as we all know, not everyone would like to think the way we think. If it becomes too much a hassle don't go.

You have a family now and things like this pop up. Deal with it or don't go. This may sound harsh but you seem to be a reasonable guy, going solely upon what I read on this forum, and I think that you already know this.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-14-2009, 09:34 PM
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Re: Thoughtless

Good luck

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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-15-2009, 08:54 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Thoughtless

[quote author=CWM3 link=topic=145098.msg3124028#msg3124028 date=1242349530]
[quote author=azazel1024 link=topic=145098.msg3123152#msg3123152 date=1242329765]
I get that weddings are about the bride and groom, but why the hell is it that the bride and groom rarely seem to think about their guests at all? My wife and I certainly tried to take our guests in to consideration as much as possible (from making sure there were 3 different dishes for 3 different friends with fairly unique allergies to an all veggie dish for our one extreme vegan friend to having it fairly early for all of our older relatives).
[/quote]
This is where is starts and ends. You understand that it is about them and not about you or your family. You went out of your way on your wedding and that is a good thing but, as we all know, not everyone would like to think the way we think. If it becomes too much a hassle don't go.

You have a family now and things like this pop up. Deal with it or don't go. This may sound harsh but you seem to be a reasonable guy, going solely upon what I read on this forum, and I think that you already know this.
[/quote]

As close as my wife and her cousin are that isn't an option. In this case it would be like your brother saying "Sorry, can't make it to your wedding".

I totally understand it is about them, to a large degree. When it comes down to it though they are doing this late wedding in part because they think it will be a lot more fun for everyone (she did actually say that to my wife). Just about every family member and the one or two friends that my wife and her cousin share that my wife has talked to have all complained to my wife of how late the wedding is and "What was she thinking about having it in the Hampton's labor day weekend!"

I am not really looking for advice (but hey never hurts), mostly just venting. I don't think a bride and groom should change their wedding just for a single guest, but I do feel it is highly inappropriate to ask a person to be in the bridal party without being somewhat considerate to the bridesmaid/groomsmen's needs. I also think it is inappropriate to but an undue burden on the majority of your guests or bridal party unless you know for them it isn't onerous.

Example, don't ask people to be in your bridal party if you think the $1,000 commitment is going to be hard on them (or stop and think, would you be willing to drop a grand if you were in their bridal party?). Don't invite 300 guests to a destination wedding that is going to cost each guest several thousand dollars unless all your friends are well heeled. Maybe 20 or 30 close friends and family members, sure.
-Matt
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-15-2009, 09:31 AM
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Re: Thoughtless

Well, hopefully, you and your wife can make arrangements and have a good time. I know where you are coming from here. I had an Army buddy who got married in Toronto (his wife is Canadian), during the last long weekend in August, on a beach, in an expensive part of town and I was in the wedding party. It was a pain in the ass and I certainly can see where you are coming from.

I hope you guys and work it out.
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-15-2009, 03:59 PM
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Re: Thoughtless

Just don't go. Send a card and $, and they will be happy.

I spend 5 hrs. at my wife's cousin's wedding/reception once. Our daughter was 3 at the time. We didn't even spend that much time at our own wedding/reception! Needless to say, it was not fun. Our table was last, and they also ran out of food by the time it was our turn. By that time, we were all real hungry and grumpy. Their marriage didn't even last 1 year. Lesson learned -- send card next time!

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