How do you tell your brother that his Fiancee is cheating on him? - Page 11 - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
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post #101 of 122 (permalink) Old 09-24-2008, 03:02 PM
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Re: How do you tell your brother that his Fiancee is cheating on him?

[quote author=abalinka link=topic=123278.msg2638279#msg2638279 date=1222282184]
Well, he knows. He took it really hard. Said that he was kicking her out that night, and didn't kick her out. Said he was kicking her out last night, and didn't. Now he's blaming himself for her having a 3 year affair because that's what she told him. She has him fucking brainwashed. We're all so upset.
[/quote]

There may be no hope for this chap. My roomate is a similar fucked up situation. He's utterly and completely brainwashed.

He dated this chick for a good two years. Unfortunately she lived about an hour away and was much less mature then was. Not to mention she never had money and didn't have a car, so it was completely up to him to make the relationship work. After two years, they ended up breaking it off as it was apparent that she didn't want to date him anymore as she was moving even further away, about two hours away. He continually would text this girl, although he hadn't seen her in the past year. I continually encouraged him to go out and seek other girls, but he never showed interest. While it was clear this girl had moved on.

Anyhow, fast forward to two weeks ago. We throw an emo-themed party at mi casa. I get a phone call from said girl, saying that she's coming up to the apartment to surprise Ryan tonight (while she told him 3 days prior that she couldn't make it up). All the while, I know she's dating someone else..and my roomate does too. Anyhow, my roomate comes back from work around midnight and she's hiding in my room, ready to surprise him. They see eachother, blah, blah..he's happy..she's happy, whatever. They continue to flirt throughout the night and I find out later that night at the party that she got married a week ago, yeah..not dating someone but MARRIED. At this point I'm disgusted, she's married to a navy guy who left a few days prior for a few month overseas trip, now she's here..fooling around with my roomate. Pretty sure they had sex.

I decide not to tell my roomate, as I don't want to get involved. He eventually finds out through a friend. I talked to him one night about it after work and he said that he was really upset about it. He was upset, because he would have rather not known she was married. He's completely okay with the fact that she's married and here fooling around with him. To this day, his phone is continually blowing up from text messages from this chick. I just cannot comprehend how someone would be okay with fooling around with a married chick. His plan is to forget he ever knew about it. FUCKING BOGGLES MY MIND.

-Matt
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post #102 of 122 (permalink) Old 09-24-2008, 03:13 PM
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Re: How do you tell your brother that his Fiancee is cheating on him?

Some guys mentality is it's not my girl, so her husband/boyfriend should have their significant other in check. I have friends who have the same mentality and it makes no sense to me, but to each their own.

LMFAO "oh i thought i didn't need that" i bet in your head you were like "go kick your mom in the ass for me when you get home " 08mazda2.0
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post #103 of 122 (permalink) Old 09-24-2008, 03:19 PM
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Re: How do you tell your brother that his Fiancee is cheating on him?

that sucks, and i'm sorry to hear about how this is turning out. in all seriousness, you may want to have a sort of intervention to try to remove him from the situation. i have an uncle who is in a similar situation (no cheating that we know of or suspect) and we're trying to find a way to get him out of his house and away from his wife. she has some some form of bi-polar disorder that has not been diagnosed, and she is clearly the worst thing for him right now
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post #104 of 122 (permalink) Old 09-24-2008, 03:26 PM
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Re: How do you tell your brother that his Fiancee is cheating on him?

Some people stick it out in shitty situations, because they don't want to be sad or lonely. I had a friend who continued to date a guy for a few months that was absolute cancer for her. This guy would sleep with her and then not call her for a couple of weeks. The next time he would call he would sleep with her again. Basically, he was using her long time situation of being single against her, and she absolutely hated being single too. Some people rather be miserable and in a relationship, then miserable and single. To tell you the truth I can 100% understand their reasoning. I was single for basically 22 years and it was no walk in the park. It gets more overwhelming when you have to start going to your friends weddings and you don't have a significant other to take with you. I would never want to be single again, unless I felt it was something I needed to do for some time. Finding a girl or guy and turning it into something exclusive is no where near as easy as getting a drink of water. Relationships are harder and harder to make work these days.

LMFAO "oh i thought i didn't need that" i bet in your head you were like "go kick your mom in the ass for me when you get home " 08mazda2.0
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post #105 of 122 (permalink) Old 09-24-2008, 04:00 PM
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Re: How do you tell your brother that his Fiancee is cheating on him?

Yeah, I've been there. I was in a 2 year relationship with a woman who wasn't good for me in college. Things were actually pretty good for the first 6 months or so, but then they headed downhill. She became really depressed and had major social anxiety (to the point of not being able to work or go to class and didn't care (the depression part)). It brought me down a lot and is a good part of the reason why my GPA was about a 3.5 each semester for the first 2 years and then a 2.7 the last 2 semesters (3.11 overall). I just stopped caring about class and wouldn't go until about 2 months before I graduated and realized if I kept it up I would start failing classes and wouldn't graduate. As soon as I started caring again (okay, like 3 weeks later) I realized that I was in a bad way with this woman and I broke up with her. I was stuck living with her for another month before graduation because we were renting an apartment together.

Anyway, for about a year I really was just fooling myself thinking she'd get past her problems and things would be fine. Nope. She has finally from last I saw on her myspace page (I check it about every 6 months out of macabre facination) she seems to have gotten over most of her problems to a degree at least (after only 7 years, 1 1/2 of them I tried hard to get her over her depression and anxiety issues) she has finally managed to get a real job, and by real job I mean she joined the PA national guard and is a petroleum supply specialist (so, what she tops of the HMMVs when they run low on gas?). What shocks me most is considering her pyschological history that they would be desperate enough to recruit her.

My wife got in to similar bad relationships in the past as well with men. Hers are about 50/50 split with 3 or 4 bad ones and 3 or 4 okay ones. 1 guy was psychologically abusive, 1 was a cheating ass and 1 was an idiot and mildly physically abusive. 3 or 4 decent ones in there where it just didn't work out. Then she met me. We lived happily ever after.

Both men and women stick with people long after they should.

I call it the 4 steps of a bad relationship.
Step 1, Good times) Most of the time the relationship is really good at first, maybe even for quite awhile, but then it starts unraveling
Step 2, Denile) but we lie to ourself that it'll get better again or that it isn't really that bad.
Step 3, Free of alone) Then we think, but being alone sucked so much that we can put up with a lot, we can make this work!
Step 4, Realization) Oh, crap. Why the heck am I putting up with this crap, I was happier when I was single. Buh, bye.
-Matt
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post #106 of 122 (permalink) Old 09-24-2008, 04:15 PM
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Re: How do you tell your brother that his Fiancee is cheating on him?

My g/f and I are going through some issues about children. I only want 1 or none, and she wants 2 easily. I've never been terribly excited about children and she came from a family of 5 girls, so she "thinks" she wants a big family. It's put a big strain on our relationship for sure. I hope we can make it through, but it's made some things very difficult. I think she doesn't want to make it work as much as I do, because it would be in my favor to work, while it would be out of her favor to work because of the child issue. I'm just the type to where I see no point of having a lot of children if you can't afford them. Her dad was able to have so many kids because he started working for a company called Datatronics that was a new programming company and he rose up the ladder to Director in no time. It took him 5-7 years to get to Director and it would take my g/f 15-20 years to get up to his point. She makes $60k now programming for 4 years, and that will take care of one child, but she'll need to get her masters and I would need to graduate college to afford more than one child. Also children take up a lot of time that I've never been a fan of. I'm very impatient and my tolerance is very low so I know children really isn't my cup of tea. End of thread jack.

LMFAO "oh i thought i didn't need that" i bet in your head you were like "go kick your mom in the ass for me when you get home " 08mazda2.0
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post #107 of 122 (permalink) Old 09-24-2008, 04:33 PM
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Re: How do you tell your brother that his Fiancee is cheating on him?

[quote author=weezerfan84 link=topic=123278.msg2638532#msg2638532 date=1222287314]
My g/f and I are going through some issues about children. I only want 1 or none, and she wants 2 easily. I've never been terribly excited about children and she came from a family of 5 girls, so she "thinks" she wants a big family. It's put a big strain on our relationship for sure. I hope we can make it through, but it's made some things very difficult. I think she doesn't want to make it work as much as I do, because it would be in my favor to work, while it would be out of her favor to work because of the child issue. I'm just the type to where I see no point of having a lot of children if you can't afford them. Her dad was able to have so many kids because he started working for a company called Datatronics that was a new programming company and he rose up the ladder to Director in no time. It took him 5-7 years to get to Director and it would take my g/f 15-20 years to get up to his point. She makes $60k now programming for 4 years, and that will take care of one child, but she'll need to get her masters and I would need to graduate college to afford more than one child. Also children take up a lot of time that I've never been a fan of. I'm very impatient and my tolerance is very low so I know children really isn't my cup of tea. End of thread jack.
[/quote]

Sounds like you have a lot of things to work out with your GF. I find it exhausting keeping up with my 8 month old son, but I love kids. In some ways I would love to have 3 or 4 children, but I know I wouldn't be able to keep up with them and my wife and I damn well can't afford 4 (and 3 would probably be a streach, which I don't want to be doing). Its kind of funny because my wife doesn't have much patients or tolerance, but she loves kids and with children she has tons of patients and tolerance that I never knew she had.

Something you'll need to come to an agreement on for the relationship to really continue is the number of kids (I am master of the obvious ). Something you could talk about and consider is when you both feel like you would be ready to start trying to have children. When you are maybe you both agree that you will try to have one, but that is all you are agreeing to. Then once you have had that one child for awhile you both reevaluate. You may find after having had a child that you want or certainly wouldn't mind having a second child. My wife and I want 2, but she is leaning maybe towards three and I told her I am willing and want to have 2, after the 2nd one is born and is a little older we can talk about a 3rd, but I am not promising and I am not inclined towards having a 3rd.

Something else you can bring up to her is that having kids is damned demanding for a woman. Even if she is going to be a working mom (my wife isn't, we are lucky enough that I make enough to support the whole family until the youngest is in full day pre-school and then my wife will go back to work) and in some ways especially as a working mom you are pulled a thousand different ways and have huge demands on your time (and energy).
-Matt
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post #108 of 122 (permalink) Old 09-24-2008, 04:40 PM
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Re: How do you tell your brother that his Fiancee is cheating on him?

We've already had the discussion of agreeing to 1 child with the possibility of more. What will probably end up happening is I'll want more children, and she won't want anymore. It's a hurdle that keeps coming up and anytime she see's someone with more than one child she brings it up in my face. I may be a child fan once I have my own, but on the outside looking in; it's a lot of effin work. Small children are 100% dependant on their parents and QF they don't care if you're sick, tired, hungry, fat, skinny, or greedy. All they want is your love and that to me is hard to give 100% of the time when I feel a combination of the above. Who knows what the future will bring, but we have agreed to one child and possibly looking at adoption for the 2nd option of a child. I even told her she can't take fertitlity drugs and hide them from me, and I will be getting a visictimy after the first child is born.

LMFAO "oh i thought i didn't need that" i bet in your head you were like "go kick your mom in the ass for me when you get home " 08mazda2.0
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post #109 of 122 (permalink) Old 09-24-2008, 07:45 PM
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Re: How do you tell your brother that his Fiancee is cheating on him?

[quote author=Garzilly link=topic=123278.msg2638318#msg2638318 date=1222282969]
[quote author=abalinka link=topic=123278.msg2638279#msg2638279 date=1222282184]
Well, he knows. He took it really hard. Said that he was kicking her out that night, and didn't kick her out. Said he was kicking her out last night, and didn't. Now he's blaming himself for her having a 3 year affair because that's what she told him. She has him fucking brainwashed. We're all so upset.
[/quote]

There may be no hope for this chap. My roomate is a similar fucked up situation. He's utterly and completely brainwashed.

He dated this chick for a good two years. Unfortunately she lived about an hour away and was much less mature then was. Not to mention she never had money and didn't have a car, so it was completely up to him to make the relationship work. After two years, they ended up breaking it off as it was apparent that she didn't want to date him anymore as she was moving even further away, about two hours away. He continually would text this girl, although he hadn't seen her in the past year. I continually encouraged him to go out and seek other girls, but he never showed interest. While it was clear this girl had moved on.

Anyhow, fast forward to two weeks ago. We throw an emo-themed party at mi casa. I get a phone call from said girl, saying that she's coming up to the apartment to surprise Ryan tonight (while she told him 3 days prior that she couldn't make it up). All the while, I know she's dating someone else..and my roomate does too. Anyhow, my roomate comes back from work around midnight and she's hiding in my room, ready to surprise him. They see eachother, blah, blah..he's happy..she's happy, whatever. They continue to flirt throughout the night and I find out later that night at the party that she got married a week ago, yeah..not dating someone but MARRIED. At this point I'm disgusted, she's married to a navy guy who left a few days prior for a few month overseas trip, now she's here..fooling around with my roomate. Pretty sure they had sex.

I decide not to tell my roomate, as I don't want to get involved. He eventually finds out through a friend. I talked to him one night about it after work and he said that he was really upset about it. He was upset, because he would have rather not known she was married. He's completely okay with the fact that she's married and here fooling around with him. To this day, his phone is continually blowing up from text messages from this chick. I just cannot comprehend how someone would be okay with fooling around with a married chick. His plan is to forget he ever knew about it. FUCKING BOGGLES MY MIND.
[/quote]

your roomate is a pathetic loser that needs to get a life (and his own woman).
i hope he gets married, his wife fucks around, and he ends up paying child support for somebody else's baby.
he deserves whatever happens to him...and I hope the navy dude finds out and cleans his clock.

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post #110 of 122 (permalink) Old 09-25-2008, 01:11 PM
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Re: How do you tell your brother that his Fiancee is cheating on him?

bit of anger there....

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