Something hilarious I had to share. "Oil Change" - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-25-2008, 05:00 PM Thread Starter
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Something hilarious I had to share. "Oil Change"

[size=12pt]Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle
4) Ask to have the brakes greased because they squeel.

Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00[/size]




[size=12pt]Oil Change instructions for Men :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give u p and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss..
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
2 1) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on t he floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23 ) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right! [/size]


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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-25-2008, 05:06 PM
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Re: Something hilarious I had to share. "Oil Change"

nice
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-25-2008, 05:37 PM
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Re: Something hilarious I had to share. "Oil Change"

how most of my car jobs end up...blood and cussing! oh and don't forget the beer
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-25-2008, 05:38 PM
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Re: Something hilarious I had to share. "Oil Change"

haha sounds about right


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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-25-2008, 05:43 PM
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Re: Something hilarious I had to share. "Oil Change"

Should read:

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a wiped off oil filter but no new oil.


But funny anyways abs.

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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-25-2008, 05:50 PM
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Re: Something hilarious I had to share. "Oil Change"

That was awesome

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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-25-2008, 06:59 PM
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Re: Something hilarious I had to share. "Oil Change"

[quote author=John_in_the_LBC link=topic=106752.msg2180768#msg2180768 date=1206481433]
Should read:

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a wiped off oil filter but no new oil.




[/quote]

Definitely true.


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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-26-2008, 01:57 AM
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Re: Something hilarious I had to share. "Oil Change"

This reminded me other day some guy from Jiffy lube knocked on my door and they were doing some kinda door to door promotions. $8 oil change lol. He says " do you change your oil yourself because you're trying to save money?" LOL

After changing oil yourself it feels good =)


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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-26-2008, 02:22 PM
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Re: Something hilarious I had to share. "Oil Change"

WTF, $20 bucks for a 12 pack!!!!

[u]Click below for pictures and specs of the FULLY BUILT TURBO 3 and SPEED 3!
[center][url=
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-26-2008, 02:24 PM
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Re: Something hilarious I had to share. "Oil Change"

its worth it to know its done right.

CLICK THE SIG FOR CAR SPEC/INFORMATION/PICTURE THREAD

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