Super Gross Out Stories - Sponsored by Brent and Ally - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-13-2008, 03:25 AM Thread Starter
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Super Gross Out Stories - Sponsored by Brent and Ally

post your gross real life stories here.  fall face first into raw sewage?  walk in on your parents doin' it?  post about it here.

I'll start with a classic work story

--------------

I received a complaint from several people living in an apartment building about the odor coming from one of the units. People complaining lived next to, down the all from, over and under this apartment.

When i got to the apartment door I smelled a terrible stinky odor, slightly masked by pinesol. Turns out the neighbors were throwing pinesol on the door and soaking towels in pinesol and stuffing it in the cracks of the door.

The apartment manager brought a maintenance man along, because aparently the tenant (a woman) will only open the door for him. So we had to hide out of peephole range while he knocked. The woman asks who it is, then takes FOREVER to come to the door. When she finally opens it, the woman (early 30s) is comepletely naked! (turns out she always tries to get the maintenance man to sleep with her) So they make her put some clothes on so she throws on a t-shirt.  thats it.

Anyway, as soon as she opens the door the odor hits me like a brick wall. It smells like a barnyard and I quickly found out why.....


It turns out the woman uses the bathroom to store her garbage (mounds and mounds and mounds of trash)

So, she can't get into the bathroom.

Where does she sh!t/pee you ask? Where ever she is standing at the time. Thats right, just like an animal in a barnyard.

There were puddles of urine and piles of sh!t and diarhea everywhere!!!!!  Occasionally she would shit in her garbage can (since she wasn't using it for her garbage)

GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


And it turns out the urine was dripping down to the apartment below. thus - the odor complaint.


Oh and for the record she actually dropped a duece while I was standing there talking to her.


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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-13-2008, 03:27 AM
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Re: Super Gross Out Stories - Sponsored by Brent and Ally

what the fuck do you do for a living?

wow just wow

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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-13-2008, 03:28 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Super Gross Out Stories - Sponsored by Brent and Ally

i'm a health inspector


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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-13-2008, 03:33 AM
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Re: Super Gross Out Stories - Sponsored by Brent and Ally

Hmm...Ok. I got one for you. Back in December at the old U-Haul I worked at, before I got promoted and moved to a different store, I was working the lot and had to jump a truck. No big deal, I go get the jumper cables and pull over another truck to jump it. The particular truck that needed jumpage was a 24' GMC which has the battery under the passenger side step box of the cab. Now mind you, the parking lot is asphalt since before it was mostly gravel and dirt and we had huge issues with trucks getting stuck in the mud when it rained. Now, it had rained quite heavily the past few days, so I wasn't all that surprised to see some "mud" near the truck when I was jumping it, as in order to fit all the trucks in our parking lot, sometimes we had to back the trucks past the gravel into the grass. Well of course I stepped in the "mud" and dropped the jumper cables into it, no big deal.

And then I noticed the stench. I'm thinking to myself, damn this isn't mud. Turns out it was a huge pile of human shit that had gotten rained on enough to look like mud. Our store was located across the street from a mexican night club, and our parking lot is used by them a LOT, its not uncommon to come in to work the next morning and see them still passed out drunk in their cars. Well, one of them took a shit between two trucks and of course I had to step in it, drop the jumper cables in it, get it all over my hands and pants.

A revolution gets its name by always coming back around in your face.
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-13-2008, 03:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Super Gross Out Stories - Sponsored by Brent and Ally

Here's one of my old stories - Its really gross.

So I’m en route to a McDonalds one morning for an early surprise inspection when out of the corner of my eye I spy a rooster. Roosters are illegal within the city limits of where I was working, but there is a huge Puerto Rican population, and a lot of people have roosters anyway. The thing about roosters is that they don’t just crow in the morning, they crow all damn day. The hard part is trying to figure out where the crowing is coming from, and it just so happens that I have been looking for a rooster in that particular block for about 3 months. Can you imagine having people call you for 3 months about a rooster that you can’t find? So, needless to say I was quite happy to find this rooster. I pull over, hop out of the car and run over to the vacant lot where I spied the rooster. There happens to be a small shack/shed on the property, and just as I walked over to the rooster, a man jumps out and asks me if I am here to buy vegetables…. Ok… I’ll bite. (Being the detective that I am) I tell him yes, and he takes me to the other side of the shed and lifts a huge tarp up off the ground. Under the tarp are piles upon piles of rotting vegetables. The stink was so bad I nearly passed out. They man, who barely speaks English, proceeds to take off his shoes and socks and “wade” out into the vegetables to show me the cucumbers. (ew) These vegetables were laying directly on the ground, had mice droppings and bird sh!t all over them, and he wants to show me the cucumbers? So I call the cops and they send a unit out asap (I called because I needed a translator) As it turns out, they have been looking for this guy for months! Apparently he goes dumpster diving at the legitimate farmers markets for the produce that they throw away! There was so much stuff that we had to call the Dept. of Sanitation to hall all of the stuff away. The crew filled 3 (that’s right, 3) huge garbage trucks full of the stuff. As they dug to the bottom, there was this horrible dead animal smell that just kept getting stronger! At the bottom of the pile was a family of dead rats that had burrowed into the veggies. The rotten vegetables had basically suffocated them to death. EW!!! All right, now that I have the rotten vegetable part of the story out of the way, time to get back to that rooster. Do you have any idea how hard it is to physically catch a rooster? Holey Cow! Roosters can fly, but only about 10 feet in the air and only for about 10 seconds. Still, that is just high enough and just far enough to make it super hard. Plus, you have to worry about being pecked to death by a rooster that has been trained to kill (well, kill roosters, not people… but still…) Imagine if you will, some crazy fiddle music playing a speedy hoedown song, while you read the rest of this, it will really help with the visual. 5 cops, 2 animal control officers, and one scared health inspector (who was hiding behind the fence) tried to catch this damn bird. We (well they) were running around trying to corner it, freaking out because it started to fly, running in circles and dancing around. Finally after 25 minutes of this, the little Puerto Rican guy walked over to the rooster and whistled. Wouldn’t you know the rooster walked right over to him and the guy scooped him right up no problem. Then came the gross part. The guy snapped the rooster’s neck right in front of everyone! Said he was a good bird and wanted him for dinner.


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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-13-2008, 03:39 AM
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Re: Super Gross Out Stories - Sponsored by Brent and Ally

Alright, one time with the ex and I were doing the deed. She neglected to tell me it was the good old time of the month. So as soon as I pull out I do the "AAAAHHH GODDAMNIT!!!! Now I got to take a shower to wash chunks of your uterus off my cock!"

A revolution gets its name by always coming back around in your face.
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-13-2008, 03:44 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Super Gross Out Stories - Sponsored by Brent and Ally

i inspected a bakery and the guy was wearing a wife beater and I swear he was as hairy as robin williams. he was using his ENTIRE ARM to mix up the cupcake batter. then, right in front of me, he took a spatula and used it as a squeege to get the extra batter off and pour it into the pans. It was sooooo fucking nasty.


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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-13-2008, 03:50 AM
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Re: Super Gross Out Stories - Sponsored by Brent and Ally

mmhh just the way i like my cupcakes hairy with just a extra pinch of hair
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-13-2008, 03:52 AM
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Re: Super Gross Out Stories - Sponsored by Brent and Ally

Oh, this happened a few weeks ago. I had thrown my work jacket on the floor of my bathroom when I got home from work that night. The next morning I was in the bathroom getting ready for work and one of my cats, Oreo walked in and started to piss on it right in front of me, I picked the little shit up by the back of the neck, little did I know he was mid stream when I picked him up to throw him out of the bathroom and he pissed all over me.

A revolution gets its name by always coming back around in your face.
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-13-2008, 05:58 AM
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Re: Super Gross Out Stories - Sponsored by Brent and Ally

I smell ALOT of bullshit in this thread.

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