Re: Have you ever cut/clipped you nails in public?
" Is clipping your fingernails and toenails the equivalent of going to the bathroom? Or perhaps, is the act of clipping dead portions of your body off, in public, where they will often richochet off the metal part of your clipper and disappear into unknown places (never to be retrieved) actually the most unsanitary public grooming ritual since the dawn of time?
I say yes.
And I say yes for the main reason that nail clippings are like booby traps. They are invisible to the naked eye and jump out at you without any warning. They attach themselves to clothing, they hide in sofa cushion cracks and on the bottom of socks. And unless you’re working with one of those nuclear waste shields around your entire body while you clip (or you’re doing it in a self-contained mini glass box like Ewan MacGregor Ethan Hawke in Gattaca) — you have no control over where your dead flicks of nail go, who they hit, where they rest or how soon someone will come in contact with them.
And that is, very very gross.
Can you think of any other part of your body that you leave behind in public places or that you have no control over that other people can unknowingly come in contact with? Your hair? Maybe. A particularly bad bout of bladder-control? Possibly. But isn’t it interesting that the most oft-ignored parts of our bodies (our nails) are really the most unsanitary body shed and yet no one seems to say anything about it?
Isn’t it even freakier that fingernails and toenails are only one of two parts on the body that continue to grow even after you’ve left this world behind? Doesn’t that, perhaps, convince you that nails are (on their own) the most evil body part ever? (And don’t even get me started on the even more-evil fingernails that scare the public on more than one occasion.)
Funnily enough, I once was sitting in a local coffee shop when an older man was clipping his nails with a (get this) keychain affixed nail clipper and he was close enough to other people drinking and eating muffins that it appeared as if the arc of his flying nail clippings could possibly nail some of us. I decided to intervene:
Me: “Can you not clip your nails around everyone else here? I mean, we’re eating.”
Sir: “What do you think this is, Communist China?”
Indeed, maybe if it was Communist China or North Korea we’d have some way to fight against the current fingernail clipping injustice that plagues our break rooms, living rooms, conference rooms, bedrooms and the seas of cubicles worldwide. Just maybe that’s what it would take to get these people to stop flinging fingernails into our fancy food*.