Diary of a Snow Shoveller - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
 
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-06-2008, 05:20 AM Thread Starter
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Diary of a Snow Shoveller

I saw this on another forum and had to post it here! Anyone who lives where they get a lot of snow will appreciate this

Diary of a snow shoveler

December 8 - 6:00 PM


It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the
wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the
huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma
Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there
be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best
idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a
boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon
the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the
driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a
white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says
we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to
see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm
glad he's our neighbor.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature
dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took
my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried
everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much
shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't
huff and puff so.

December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked
the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes
out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an
hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the
blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to
irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it
to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to
death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the
damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow
came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only
hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says
I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think
he's lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white sh*t fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt
till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to
shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and
dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on is truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think
the *sshole is lying.

December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The
wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she
did but I think she's lying.

December 24

6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the
shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the
son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the
snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I
know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and
throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife
wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but
I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25
Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop
tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God,
I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a
donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have
a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to
watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into
the microwave.


December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was
all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber
came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to
replace all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is
driving me crazy!!!

December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he
is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him
but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The
wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.


January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?



-bossboy

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-06-2008, 07:38 AM
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Re: Diary of a Snow Shoveller

after the winter we had last year up in northern alberta, I am so glad this is a mild winter. I know exactly what this is all about hating the snow so much.

Hoping to buy a Speed 3 this year.... mmmm
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-06-2008, 07:54 AM
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Re: Diary of a Snow Shoveller

And that is exactly why I've never lived where it snows.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-06-2008, 10:57 AM
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Re: Diary of a Snow Shoveller

lol. The 9 months I lived in Baltimore gave me enough snow for the rest of my life. I'll take the humidity down here

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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-06-2008, 06:55 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Diary of a Snow Shoveller

Damn you all! LOL


I love the first snow fall.....after that its just a pain in the ass. LOL

-bossboy

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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-06-2008, 07:00 PM
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Re: Diary of a Snow Shoveller

[quote author=bossboy link=topic=99065.msg1972104#msg1972104 date=1199663741]
I love the first snow fall.....after that its just a pain in the ass. LOL

[/quote]

Haha, I'll give that a +1!


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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-06-2008, 07:26 PM
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Re: Diary of a Snow Shoveller

Good stuff.


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