Letter to Optimus Prime from his Auto Insurance Agent (Spoilers) - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-12-2007, 08:49 AM Thread Starter
Bicycle Rider
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 9
Letter to Optimus Prime from his Auto Insurance Agent (Spoilers)

Dear Mr. Prime,
We have received your accident-claim reports for the month of June—they total 27. I regret to inform you that your Auto Insurance Policy will not be able to reimburse you for any of those repairs. I feel that I have sent the same letter to you once a month for the last six months, and I am now sending it again.

Since becoming a customer in January of this year, you have reported 131 accidents, requesting reimbursement for repairs necessitated by each one. You have claimed not to be responsible in any of them, usually listing the cause of the accident as either "Sneak attack by Decepticons" or "Unavoidable damage caused by protecting freedom for all sentient beings."

The only repairs for which you were reimbursed were the replacement of a cracked fender and a headlight, required after a Mr. I. Ron Hide backed his van into your truck; these cost $1,286.63. Our own investigation concluded that you were not at fault and that Mr. Hide had been drinking prior to the accident. Though police were unable to test his blood-alcohol level—Mr. Hide claimed that it would be impossible for police to examine his blood-alcohol content with a Breathalyser, because he "doesn't breathe"—under Washington-state law, refusal to take a Breathalyser test is equivalent to returning a result above the legal level.
But, I repeat, those were the only repairs for which you have been reimbursed, and it was a very minor accident in comparison to your other claims.

I mention a few to illustrate the larger trend:
$379,431.34 requested reimbursement for repairs to your truck cabin. You claimed the damage was caused by attacking fighter jets.

$665,789.11 requested reimbursement for repairs to your trailer. You claimed the damage was caused by a giant mechanical scorpion, which I can only assume is some amusement-park ride, although I question the wisdom of bringing your mobile home so close to such dangerous equipment.

$6,564,239.44 requested reimbursement for repairs to a truck part called the "Autobot Matrix of Leadership." You stated this occurred in "an ultimate confrontation between good and evil," with a Ms. Meg Atron and a Mr. U. Nicron causing the damage in question. Mr. Prime, I have checked every known car- and truck-part catalog published in North America and have found nothing even resembling that part, never mind any part so expensive. Whatever disagreements you had with Ms. Atron and Mr. Nicron, I suggest that next time you either settle things peaceably or leave your Autobot Matrix of Leadership at home so it doesn't break. Your Auto Insurance Policy does not cover Autobot Matrix of Leaderships.

And the list goes on. Mr. Prime, I am going to remind you again: Your policy only reimburses you for accidents that occur while you are engaged in the reasonable use of your truck and trailer. As I told you when you originally purchased the policy, we do not offer Megatron coverage, Starscream coverage, Soundwave coverage, Decepticon coverage, or Energon-blast coverage. Those are just not the types of damages we would expect from reasonable use.

To sum up, your Auto Insurance Policy has been unable to reimburse you for any repairs, but due to the high number of accidents you have been a party to this month, combined with the many accidents you have had in the preceding five months, your premium has increased to $235,567.50 per month. While that may seem like a lot, I remind you that it is a savings of $137 over Ing and $98 over State Farm. Please have your check into our main office by the end of July.

Regards,
Your Licensed Insurance Agent
alamshahid is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-12-2007, 09:33 AM
F1 Driver
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 38,702
Send a message via AIM to laraw
Re: Letter to Optimus Prime from his Auto Insurance Agent (Spoilers)

HAHAHA. -cracks up- Nice!


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

2007 Mazdaspeed6 GT in Black Mica
AutoEXE | Cobb | Corksport | Gram Lights | H&R | HKS | SURE | TWM
laraw is offline  
post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-17-2007, 10:25 AM
F1 Driver
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 14,388
Re: Letter to Optimus Prime from his Auto Insurance Agent (Spoilers)

This deserves a bump.
krstofer is offline  
post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-17-2007, 11:05 PM
Le Mans: Prototype Class
 
panda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: California - East Bay
Posts: 2,381
Re: Letter to Optimus Prime from his Auto Insurance Agent (Spoilers)

Autobot Matrix of Leadership

:lmao:


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
panda is offline  
post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-18-2007, 02:14 PM
F1 Driver
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: New Haven, CT
Posts: 14,337
Re: Letter to Optimus Prime from his Auto Insurance Agent (Spoilers)

Did you write that yourself?

I so threw this up here:
http://digg.com/motorsport/Letter_to...Agent_Spoilers
mz6zoomzoom is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

  FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs > Misc > Lounge

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome