A Naughty Christmas Poem - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
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post #1 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-24-2006, 12:48 PM Thread Starter
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A Naughty Christmas Poem

"A Naughty Christmas Poem"

Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude. Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman wed built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head. Sure as im speaking, he was as high as a kite. And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right. Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or Ill cut off your nuts. Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, cause I got to go pee. They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub. And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied its bladder. I was donning my jacket to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash. His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore. That was some brothel, he said with a smile, The reindeer are pooped, Ill just stay here awhile. He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink. I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee. Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed. The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits. A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And a six pair of panties, the edible kind. A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several other things that I shouldn't even mention. A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, A dildo so long, it lay in a coil. This stuff aint for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit, So Ill leave them here, and then Ill just split. He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve. He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead. In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch, Take me home Rudolph, this nights been a bitch! The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, The best thing about sex is that it never wears out

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post #2 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-24-2006, 01:31 PM
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Re: A Naughty Christmas Poem

bad boy
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post #3 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-24-2006, 06:07 PM
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Re: A Naughty Christmas Poem

To all who won't be having any sex this Christmas (:-(), Merry Christmas! :-)


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post #4 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-24-2006, 06:28 PM
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Re: A Naughty Christmas Poem

To make you feel better I'd just thought I'd let you know that I got laid last night.

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post #5 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-24-2006, 07:23 PM
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Re: A Naughty Christmas Poem

Yeah? I hear you guys can find some nice deals at those truck stops...

Merry Christmas, Trucker :-)


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post #6 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-24-2006, 07:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: A Naughty Christmas Poem

"Lot Lizard"
In trucker terms that means a whore that goes around from truck to truck in a truck stop. The whore knocks on their doors so some truckers put up a "No Lot Lizard" sign on their truck windows.


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post #7 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-24-2006, 07:52 PM
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Re: A Naughty Christmas Poem


My nordic green mazda3 is in a new home now.
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post #8 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-24-2006, 08:05 PM
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Re: A Naughty Christmas Poem

[quote author=3AndMe link=topic=65268.msg1119471#msg1119471 date=1167006236]
Yeah? I hear you guys can find some nice deals at those truck stops...

Merry Christmas, Trucker :-)
[/quote]

LOL

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post #9 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-24-2006, 09:57 PM
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Re: A Naughty Christmas Poem

[quote author=BigTrucker link=topic=65268.msg1119495#msg1119495 date=1167008702]
[quote author=3AndMe link=topic=65268.msg1119471#msg1119471 date=1167006236]
Yeah? I hear you guys can find some nice deals at those truck stops...

Merry Christmas, Trucker :-)
[/quote]

LOL
[/quote]

:lmao:

Being 10 hours away from the g/f FTL
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post #10 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-24-2006, 10:14 PM
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Re: A Naughty Christmas Poem

[quote author=oneill8769 link=topic=65268.msg1119554#msg1119554 date=1167015428]
Being 10 hours away from the g/f FTL
[/quote]

By car or airplane?


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