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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-10-2006, 10:47 AM Thread Starter
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I just need a few minutes to vent

Okay, so I need some venting in a BIG way.

Not sure how many people know, but I am getting married Nov 4th to a great, wonderful, beautiful, and patient lady (the last part is especially important ).

Now I realize that narry a wedding goes by without any stress...but short of actual disasters happening this one can't get much more stressful.

My fiance has been getting the motherload of it for awhile now. Her maid-of-honor is the kind of person where the attention ALWAYS has to be on her. My fiance just told her bridesmaids to pick their own dress for the wedding, only rules were between ankle and knee length and it must be relatively plain black. So off goes miss maid-of-honor and she goes to another wedding comes back and just can't stop talking about how wonderful it was because the maid-of-honor wore a different dress color then the other brides-maids. WTF, seriously! My fiance told her that was well and good, but she doesn't want that at her wedding. Finally after 6 weeks of bugging her the maid-of-honor Finally got a dress and actually got an appropriate one (after complaining about it several times).

Also the bachelorette party has nearly been a disaster because the maid-of-honor basically would not listen to my fiance or anyone else about maybe what they would like as a party. She finally realized that everyone was ticked off and wouldn't like it so she bent to pressure and they are doing what everyone wants, not just her.

Also she has been talking about how at the wedding she is going to do a long (she mentioned 6-8 pages and 10+ minute) speech full of embaressing stories. WTF! Who gives a damn 10 minute speech. We finally have convinced her that more then a minute is to long, but we are still having some problems with telling her embaressing stories are NOT appropriate at a wedding (at least not at ours which is just short of black tie required formal).

So she has been heaping on the stress. Though that has mostly been on my fiance.

Now on my side of things here is my stress.

About 2 months ago my brother called me and told me that he and his wife have decided that they want to take a third person into their marriage (she is bi). Okay, so that doesn't really bother me, whatever they want to do. Well my parents being their generation aren't nearly so accepting and pretty much told my brother what they thought of it. That didn't go over so well (oh by the way, my brother is my best man). They have managed to patch things up to the extent of 'we are willing to try to be accepting, but give us time'. So things are looking better and all. Well this woman lives out in Idaho and my brother and his wife are in VA. All three are fairly emotionally immature. She has been having problems with her job, hates her boss, etc. Well apparently she called him up yesterday and said she can't deal with her job any more and can't live out there any more. Now I am not sure if she asked my brother too, or if my brother just said he will, but he flew out this morning to help her pack and then move back East with them...also missing my bachelor party this Saturday (he will not be back in time for it).

Now first off, I realize all parties are emotionally immature (I mean like 13 year old emotions in a 28 year old), but I really doubt she needs to move in with them out here ASAP. It can't wait a month till after my wedding? Or heck even a week so my brother can make my bachelor party which he knows is important to me that he comes? Apparently not.

Also this adds another level of complication, because before she wasn't moving out with them for awhile (I gathered 4-10 months). Well now she is going to be around for the wedding. She deffinitely wasn't invited (invitations went out before we even knew about this woman), and it would be about the worst idea in the world for her to come (my parents are already having a hard time coming to grips with this, I do not want the first time they meet her to be at my wedding!!!!!!!!! Let alone my fiance's parents who don't particularly like the fact that they are in such a relationship, but they are still more accepting then my parents, but I don't want to put them in that situation either).

Now my brother has not asked for her to be invited and I know he wouldn't just show up with her without asking first, but I am worried he will. I can tell him pretty truthfully we don't have the room to accomodate anymore people at the wedding (almost every single person has accepted the invitation, out of 150 we are looking at having 130-140 of them and had planned on 110-120, 140 will fit, but horribly cramped, and 130 will fit okay). I am just worried he will either push the issue, and I don't want ot have to tell him no in that case (though I still will, I am NOT having this ruin my wedding (nor ruin it for my parents or my fiance or her parents)). That or because she is obviously in such a fragile emotional state of mind that she needs to rush out to the east coast to be with my brother and sister-in-law and I am worried that they will cut short their attendence to my wedding, which again is not acceptable. They are part of the wedding party and need to stay till the end.

I will find out sometime next week when he gets back what is up with everything, but until then I am worried and stressed about it. It doesn't help either that as of Friday last week I started getting stressed out about the wedding in general.

*sigh* 25 days and on the 26th all that matters is that I am married to the woman I love and who loves me. I just have to keep telling myself that. And of course on the 30th we leave for the honeymoon, and if at anytime in my life I need a vacation it is now!
-Matt
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-10-2006, 10:56 AM
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Re: I just need a few minutes to vent

Uhhh..sounds like hell....just go to hawaii and get married just the two of you.
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-10-2006, 11:01 AM
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Re: I just need a few minutes to vent

I hate when family makes things so tough on weddings. When I was my sister's maid of honor, I asked her what she needed done and did it. I didn't bug her about bringing a guest (though she said I could if I wanted to).

I wish people would respect the bride and groom and leave it be.

Good luck on the wedding. The planning will be over soon!
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-10-2006, 11:07 AM
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Re: I just need a few minutes to vent

whoa, I've heard of 3ways, but never a 3way marriage, sounds like your bro is the MAN! (j/k)

tell him that that woman is not welcome because she will detract attention from the occasion at hand. Tell him its not that you necessarily have a problem with it, but that you KNOW your parents do, and rather than allow that to be the story of the wedding, you'd rather just save it til afterwards, he should understand. . .

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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-10-2006, 11:08 AM
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Re: I just need a few minutes to vent

:shock: sounds like a Doctor Phil episode....the important thing for everyone to focus on is you and the bride. Regardless of the parents attitude towards the 3rd spouse, if she shows up, your parents should be able to ignore or suppress their feelings with deference to the occasion.

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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-10-2006, 11:27 AM
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Re: I just need a few minutes to vent

Dude, that's pretty nuts! I hope everything goes well. Maybe you should crack your knuckles and show em who's the boss!?


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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-10-2006, 11:33 AM
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Re: I just need a few minutes to vent

jesus...it's all about you, isn't it? give me a break.....

seriously, though...it sounds like everybody needs to remember that this is your wedding. And while something might be slightly uncomfortable/not perfect for someone, you and your wife are the people that are going to live with the ourcome for the rest of your lives.

"Yeah, we had a nice wedding. Until my brother showed up with his two wives and they got into a fist fight with my mom, and then the maid of honor showed up in a bright green bodysuit."

you didn't ask for advice, so I'll just say that I've been through my fair share of weddings (as most of us have) and other people doing things to fuck it up seems to be pretty normal. The only weddings I've been involved in where that didn't happen are when the bride and groom specifically kept everyone out of every possible decision and didn't give a damn what their family said or did. Lots of hurt feelings before the wedding, things tend to work out in the end.

[quote author=rubyred3 link=topic=59286.msg1002159#msg1002159 date=1160492853]
whoa, I've heard of 3ways, but never a 3way marriage, sounds like your bro is the MAN! (j/k)
[/quote]

polyamorous relationships might sound nice, but from talking to a lot of different people who have done it I think that it RARELY works out well. Some people really are able to have that kind of reltionship with more than one person at the same time, and avoid the jealousy and complications that naturally arise.

Often, one of the partners is guilted or conned into it, or does it because they suffer from any number of pyschological conditions that would have them stay in a situation that they do not want. Maybe the wife is bi and told the husband that he can't have her repress her sexuality and she'd leave if they didn't do it. Maybe the husband has fantasies of 3-ways all the time and the wife is one of those "afraid-to-be-alone" types that can't possibly imagine not being married anymore. Maybe there is abuse on one side or the other. *Or maybe they're just both really down with it and it will work out for all involved.

Personally, even if I had the slightest inclination to get involved in such a relationship I KNOW that I would come unglued the first time I felt like the other two people were getting it on without me more than they were with me.

This wasn't to comment on the OP's brother specifically, just my $.02 on this kind of thing since I've had friends go down that road. *
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-10-2006, 11:37 AM
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Re: I just need a few minutes to vent

[quote author=MZ3sZoomZoom link=topic=59286.msg1002142#msg1002142 date=1160492200]
Uhhh..sounds like hell....just go to hawaii and get married just the two of you.
[/quote]

Thats what my wife and I did back in June . I wouldn't trade doing that for anything in the world. Well good luck with the wedding, and hopefully the honeymoon will get you away from it all 8) .

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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-10-2006, 11:41 AM
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Re: I just need a few minutes to vent

good luck


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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 10-10-2006, 11:41 AM
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Re: I just need a few minutes to vent

[quote author=murph182 link=topic=59286.msg1002217#msg1002217 date=1160494435]
polyamorous relationships might sound nice, but from talking to a lot of different people who have done it I think that it RARELY works out well. Some people really are able to have that kind of reltionship with more than one person at the same time, and avoid the jealousy and complications that naturally arise.
[/quote]

hehe, yeah, I was totally just kidding, never a healthy thing for a relationship.

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