A little upset, may I vent? - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
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post #1 of 63 (permalink) Old 07-25-2006, 10:42 PM Thread Starter
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A little upset, may I vent?

So I broke up with my girlfriend, of a year and a half, about 9 weeks ago. I just couldn't see things working out with her, as in future, marriage, the grown up stuff. But we are still friends. Because for the most part, we get along. Although we argued quite a bit in our last 6 months together.

At work, I became really good friends with the secretary (Emma). We would talk a lot. And became pretty close. This was about a month before I finally left my ex. (Tiffanie) I know what everyone is thinking, I left Tiffanie for Emma. That is not the case. In all honesty, I do have an attraction toward her, and feelings for her, but like I said, things were going sour with Tiffanie a few months prior. On top of that, Emma had been dating her boyfriend for 5 years.

After leaving Tiffanie, and having lunch and talking with Emma more and more at work, she begins to tell me things about her boyfriend. They too started arguing. And at one point, during a talk, he tells her that he loves her, he wants to marry her, he wants her to have his kids, etc, etc. But he'd like to try other girls, without losing her. She tells me this and I was not happy! That is something you DO NOT do! She tells me that he is her first everything, (boyfriend, kiss, sex, etc.) as she is to him as well. Being the honest person I am, I tell her that she should leave him. Because that's not how relationships work. Not normal ones anyways. I also let her know that I'm attracted to her, and felt that we had a lot in common. She then tells me that she has had "a huge crush on me" for a while now. About two weeks later, she calls to tell me that she broke up with her boyfriend. Because we were going to lunch and talking all the time, her boyfriend took notice, heard her say my name more than once and well, it started more arguing and what not. I'm sure my instigating of what a dick this guy is for wanting to fuck other girls while still holding on to the girl he loves was a push to end their 5 year relationship.

Truthfully though, she calls me just about every night, and the first few weeks, we would talk on the phone for hours. I believe there was one day where we talked for 7 hours, I think it was 2 or 3 seperate calls, but that's almost a third of the day. She texts me all the time and seems to always be happy when we're hanging out. As am I. We have this really close friendship where we've been able to talk about anything, at any time.

So since their break-up, there's been a couple of nights where she's come over and actually stayed the night. And as normal friends, nothing happened. Not a kiss, no sex, maybe a hug, but that's it. Even while sleeping in the same bed. We'd just get up in the morning and go to work. I was scheduled to leave for Texas for a week with the family the first week of June. The last night I was home, she came over and we watched tv, then a movie, and had dinner. At the end of the movie, she made the first move and we began to make-out. But that was all. Through out my trip in Texas, we talked a lot. And our conversations got pretty, um, how do I say it....naughty, I guess. But all I could think about in Texas was our kiss, and how much I really liked this girl. Everything about her seemed so perfect. I get back from Texas, and things are fine. We're friends, and nothing happens. We still talk every night and what not. Then her and I were going to see the premier of Superman with some friends. She came over early, we went swimming and were going to make dinner then go to the show. Well, instead of dinner, things got a little hot and we ended up having sex. Everything was fine afterwards. We didn't feel embarrassed or anything. We both talked and neither of us regret what had happened. Our friendship continues.

BTW, through out all of this, we both agreed that getting together wasn't a good move, as we both aren't ready yet. We had both just got out of a relationship, and with the feelings we both have for each other, its something we don't want to make as a rebound kinda thing. We want a real relationship, so to speak. Which again, is something both of us were open about, and talked about together.

So phone calls continue every night, texts continue every day. Just a week and a half ago, she gets fired from her (our) job. Since we started talking, I've been there for her, and been by her side, and have helped her get through most everything she's dealing with. One day, a week or so ago, she calls to say that she's been having pains, and that her sister asked if she was pregnant. Emma worries and gets those EPT's. The first one said that she was, and she got worried, then she tried the second one, and it came up negative. And before I forget, she's on the pill, and I used protection, FYI. So, should she be pregnant, it'd be her ex's. Pains finally stop after a day or two, and even after getting tested at the hospital, with no response in test results, she feels that she's not pregnant.

We continue to be close friends, and things seemed to be getting better, as far as a better than friendship relationship goes with us. Last night, she began feeling pains again, and decides to go to the emergency room. She sits there for a couple of hours then decided that she didn't want to wait anymore and her pains were slowly getting better. She had planned on coming over last night, after I came home from my hockey game, but then went to emergency instead. Well, I get a text at around 11pm, asking if she can still come over. At first I said no, because it was late, but then agreed that is was okay. So she leaves the hospital without ever being seen, and comes over. She says she wants to stay the night because it's late, and I told her it was fine. So, we go to sleep. The feeling around her last night felt a little stronger than normal for some reason, but nothing happened. I held her, and fell asleep. This morning, we wake up, and I begin to get ready for work. Since she isn't working at my job anymore, she stays in bed. Just before I leave, I go to give her a hug, and we begin to kiss, again. The kissing led to sex (and I was late for work). All day long, I've felt so good. It's like my "happy day". Things seem to be working out and something might actually happen between us now after such a wonderful morning.

On my way home, she calls me and says that she has horrible news. I ask her what's wrong, and if she's okay. She tells me that she had to go to the hospital today, because her grandmother was feeling ill. While waiting at the hospital she faints. She tells me the hospital admits her, and ran some tests. She then tells me that they told her she is pregnant. Obviously, it's still not mine, as I used protection.

While telling me this, I get upset, because my whole "happy day" falls apart all around me. It was like a blow to the stomach. I felt as though things were falling into place, and now, everything had kept on falling. I got upset and told her to call me later, and hung up. Now I don't know what to do, because I really care about this girl, and obviously there's something between us. But now there's the fact that she may be pregnant with her ex's kid, who's a freakin' douche bag. I wanted to go to the hospital to be with her, but I guess the hospital needed to run some tests on her ex or something, so that's out of the question. I really don't know what to do about everything. And if she is pregnant, I don't want her to keep the baby and have to stay with him for the kids sake. But I also feel that abortion isn't the right answer. I thought about telling her that I'll be there and help her with everything, but at the same time, I don't know if that's what I should do. Or even if that's what I want to do.

Any comments? Suggestions? Similar experiences?

Sorry for such a long ass post, but it's something I want to get out.

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post #2 of 63 (permalink) Old 07-25-2006, 10:55 PM
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Re: A little upset, may I vent?

cliff notes for everyone not interested in reading, 4 people here redxela his gf/ex some chick her bf/ex

he breaks up with his gf, he like random chick, random chick breaks up with her bf (who wanted to leave her and fuck other chicks without losing her), she apparently likes redxela, they become close friends and sleep together (but are apparently not a couple) but random chick is apparently pregnant with dickhead ex bfs child, and redxela needs advice on wtf he should do oh noes



my advice; are you ready to raise a kid with this woman? do you think your not? im sure its the latter, and you sure as hell shouldnt tell her otherwise unless your absolutly positive (which it obviouse your not)

there is no way for you to give her advice on what she should do with the child without having a responsibility to her, if you say "keep it i dont mind" or something like that its going to be your responsibility

i suggest you stay out of her decision making process and let her make a decision
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post #3 of 63 (permalink) Old 07-25-2006, 10:58 PM
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Re: A little upset, may I vent?

I say you leave them all and start over. It will be worth it down the road.
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post #4 of 63 (permalink) Old 07-26-2006, 12:14 AM
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Re: A little upset, may I vent?

[quote author=Crazy1 link=topic=52442.msg846376#msg846376 date=1153882685]
I say you leave them all and start over. It will be worth it down the road.
[/quote]

+1... but only because you're stuck in a catch 22 w/ not wanting the baby. Otherwise, I would say stick in it for a while and see how things go with this girl.

As for using protection, RedXela... I got a story for you. A friend of mine used a condom, AND his girl was on birth control... and they still had a kid. I'm not saying this one's yours, I'm just saying not to put all your faith in "protection."


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post #5 of 63 (permalink) Old 07-26-2006, 12:44 AM
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Re: A little upset, may I vent?

wow. normally i would never 'recommend' that somebody tackle raising someone else's baby, especially if that someone wanted to stay involved...

but having never met emma or you, i wouldn't want to kill a good thing based on percentages.

sometimes it works for everybody. making the baby isn't parenthood, and you can have real joy raising another's child, but that's a big commitment to somebody you've only been with for 2 months.

good luck with that.

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post #6 of 63 (permalink) Old 07-26-2006, 12:54 AM
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Re: A little upset, may I vent?

not your kid? then gtfo

but thats opinion.

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post #7 of 63 (permalink) Old 07-26-2006, 12:57 AM
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Re: A little upset, may I vent?

There's always that .001 % chance that he might miss out on a good relationship if he leaves her on account of her pregnancy. Statistically speaking though, he's not missing anything, but you never know.


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post #8 of 63 (permalink) Old 07-26-2006, 01:02 AM
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Re: A little upset, may I vent?

It's a lot of stress man... at this time, I'd say take a small break from the situation and let her deal with her situation. At the same time, you can gather your throughts about the situation and make the most "logical" decision possible.

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post #9 of 63 (permalink) Old 07-26-2006, 01:12 AM
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Re: A little upset, may I vent?

I agree with SIXX, it's alot of stress... but when it comes down to it, it's going to be her decision if she wants to keep the baby or not... just take a step back and really think about things.

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post #10 of 63 (permalink) Old 07-26-2006, 01:18 AM Thread Starter
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Re: A little upset, may I vent?

[quote author=3AndMe link=topic=52442.msg846615#msg846615 date=1153887281]
As for using protection, RedXela... I got a story for you. A friend of mine used a condom, AND his girl was on birth control... and they still had a kid. I'm not saying this one's yours, I'm just saying not to put all your faith in "protection."[/quote]Well, I left this part out of the story, but uh.....both times during sex, I never came. Condoms dried out and I was just too tired to continue. So I know 100% and I'm sure she does too, that it's not mine.

On that note. I agree and understand what all of you are saying. Thank you! It is a tough decision. And I'll keep thinking about it. I'm definitely not ready for kids yet. But the fact that I have strong feelings for this girl, and feel about her in a way I've never felt towards another before, I have to keep thinking about the situation.

I also need to talk to her again, and see in full what she thinks, feels, etc. She still must be in the hospital, because I have yet to speak to her since about 5pm.

Thanks again!

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