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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-22-2006, 08:43 AM Thread Starter
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away on a business trip

I am trying to figure out if I am justified in being a little annoyed at my Fiance. She is out in Indianapolis for a business trip for the University she works for. She left early Sunday and comes back early this evening. So she has been gone 3 days. She called me a number of times, but each and every time she spent about half the time talking with friends in the back ground and the longest phone call was about 10 minutes, most were about 2 minutes of "did this earlier, wanted to let you know I am fine, going to dinner, then a bar with friends, love you, bye" and that is about it.

Heck I even know that she was going to be busy out there between a presentation she was making at the conference (Monday morning) and getting together with friends she hasn't seen since she graduated grad school about 9-10 months ago and she was staying with her good friend Kathy who might be a bridesmaid at our wedding.

The thing that annoys me is that she didn't even seem to try to find the time to give me even a single 15 minute phone call where she was talking to ME, not half paying attention to me at best and not a piddly little 2 or 3 minute call.

Is it really nuts of me wanting that? Or am I being, well, simply nuts.
-Matt

PS I am not really pissed or anything, just a bit annoyed and maybe a tiny bit hurt. I am happy as hell she is coming back this evening though.
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-22-2006, 09:01 AM
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Re: away on a business trip

You're not nuts. I would be annoyed and a bit hurt just like you. Is this her first business trip?

I would leave it alone until she comes back and then tell her you're not mad, but you would like it if she could take 10 minutes for a private call the next time she goes away. My gf does shit like this too. Just tell her that you'd rather have one good private phone call while she's gone than 500 quick ones around her friends.

You do know that it doesn't matter how well you frame the conversation, she's going to be mad at you, right?
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-22-2006, 09:08 AM
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Re: away on a business trip

I'd say yes, she should have taken the time to give you at least one call where her attention was undivided. However, have you ever been on a business trip. There are endless functions and things you are constnatly having to go to. People are always around, and you feel rude just walking away to make a phone call. Consider that a little too when determining your level of anger.

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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-22-2006, 11:18 AM Thread Starter
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Re: away on a business trip

Yeah, I was waiting till she gets back later today to talk to her about it. I really am not mad mad, just annoyed and a little hurt. I am not raging nor do I feel like she doesn't care about me.

It is her first business trip, though not her first time at this convention. She attened the annual convention in college and graduate school, she is just attending in her capacity working for GWU this year.

I have been on one business trip before, I can understand how busy it can be, but when every evening she 1) went out to dinner with 4 or 5 friends 2) went to a bar after dinner every night 3) went dancing two nights and a carbaret last night and she didn't manage to find the time say before dinner even for 10 or 15 minutes to call kinda hurts. Heck the woman she was sharing a room with is married and I think would understand if my Fiance had said "I hate to ask this, but can I have 15 minutes to call my Fiance". I know on my business trip I could have found at least 15-20 minutes every day in which I could have called someone if I had wanted to without offending anyone (the trip was actually right before I started dating my Fiance).

I think the other thing about this that bothers me is the last trip she took since we started dating/got engaged was back in early January right before we got engaged. She went on a 6 day cruise with her parents, brother, and a few family friends (6 I think?). On the cruise, despite the difficulty she still managed to call both when she got into port before the cruise left, when it got back into port and also one of the days she could get to a pay phone on one of the islands. Every time was a real conversation, heck the last day we talked for 2 hrs. This time around it was completely different.

Knowing my Fiance she is probably going to get a bit mad at me for bringing this up, but it is bugging me so I need to bring it up with her. I could always bring up all of the chores and errands I have been doing for her while she has been gone and the picking her up and dropping her off at the airport as well...but I think that would just get me in trouble.

I have found women seem to get pissed off when you point out that they are 1) being insensitive to your feelings (cause guys, admit it, we have feelings to, and they do occasionally need to be addressed, even if it is only 3rd tuesday of the month or something) or 2) you did a bunch of favors for them, so maybe they should 1) cut you a little slack or 2) maybe they owe you for all of the favors. Oh yeah, and logic NEVER wins.

Sigh, anyway, thanks for the feedback
-Matt
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-22-2006, 11:57 AM
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Re: away on a business trip

women have no understanding of "logic." You could scream an incoherent stream of jibberish at her and it would make just as much sense.

It sounds like you've fallen into the trap that all of us do: create an expectation for her based on either the past or what you would have done if you were her (or a combination). Oh well.

Maybe she was just excited to be on the trip and feeling like she was important, and didn't think it was that big a deal for you. And maybe she didn't want to look "tied down" in front of her friends and co-workers. It's the same reason I went to a strip club the other week with my friend while my gf was away, even though I knew I would get in trouble for it.

Whatever you do, don't bring up the things you've done while she was gone. That will definitely get you in trouble. It sounds like you have the right idea: don't be mad, just let her know that in the future it would mean a lot to you if she could just take a few minutes alone to call you.

And if that doesn't work, you can always beat it into her. What do you say to azazel's girlfriend when she has two black eyes? Nothing that he hasn't already told her twice.
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-22-2006, 12:04 PM
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Re: away on a business trip

You're not crazy, seems like you have a good reason to be upset. I understand how crazy a business trip can be, I've been on a few myself, but trust me, when the will is there... one can always find 15 minutes in the day to call a fiancÚ... You can call right before you go to sleep, or wake up an extra few minutes early... there are MANY chances to make a 15 minute call in a 24 hour day no matter how crazy the schedule is. However, I'm sure she loves you and just doesn't see things this way, so just relax and enjoy this time away from her... cause I after you get married that all goes bye bye

Juan


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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-22-2006, 01:26 PM
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Re: away on a business trip

Like Juan said, 15 minutes is NOT hard to find. Maybe she doesn't realize how important those 15 minutes are to you. Maybe she just got caught up in the moment with old friends. See her first, and see what she has to say. I'm not saying you don't do this cuz I don't know but do you make time for her when you're away? Oh and don't bring anything you did up that she should be "proud" of you for. It's useless and will only lead to an argument. Good luck.

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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-22-2006, 01:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: away on a business trip

So far I have not been on any business trips since I started dating her. We live together so in terms of things changing when we get married, its not likely to very much. Heck we have the same bank account now. In respect to how I act when I am away, I never really have been since we started dating. Just about every single day since we started dating we have at least talked on the phone for 20-30 minutes if we didn't actually see each other. The only exception was when she was on the cruise and 3 out of the 6 days she couldn't get access to a phone, so this is a big change with the short crappy phone calls.

I agree with the last couple of sentiments on always being able to find a few minutes. Almost all of her calls were as she was either walking to dinner or on her way back from the club/bar with her friends. I also think ya'll are right that a lot of it was that she was caught up with friends she hasn't seen in a long time and never really stopped to think about maybe making a nice phone call to me. Her phone call last night was actually a decent phone call, but it was short, only maybe 3-4 minutes. However, she actually wasn't in the middle of running anywhere and wasn't talking with other people. I think it took her a couple of days to really miss me a lot and have that start out weighing how much fun she was having. Then SHE started caring about talking to me.

*sigh*

Anyway, something to talk to her about and file away for the future. On the phone she also mentioned that next year this conference is in Orlando and her friend is planning on bringing her husband this time and she wants me to come as well. So I guess there won't be any worries next year about it.

Thanks all.
-Matt
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-23-2006, 12:46 AM
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Re: away on a business trip

Went through similar crap with the old lady this weekend. Went away on a trip to Philly with Uncle Sam from THurs-Sunday. Spoke WEdnesday on the phone then played Phone tag thurs. Shot her an email and no response, shot another one and left a voice mail, still no response. Saturday I am like WTF is going on so I hit the bar and have a few beers instead of calling yet again. Sunday still no response and I consider breaking up with her for this incident and something else that happened a week back. I called her up and said call me back when you are done with the games and are ready to take this relationship seriously.
Monday she calls back and plays the victim game that she was busy and other nonsense and didnt have time to call. Thats when I got mad because this girl has had me up until 2 am talking on the phone when she knows I have to be up at 530 am to start my day. I think its straightened out now but 1. I dont like being ignored and 2. dont give me that no time excuse. There are 24 hours in a day. Not being able to put 15 minutes aside to have a normal conversation is a load of garbage. You have a lot more time invested in your girl so I dont recommend my approach to dealing with similar situations.
Sometimes women just piss me off.

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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-23-2006, 09:40 AM Thread Starter
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Re: away on a business trip

She got a bit ticked when I brought it up, but she admitted that she could have found the time and probably should have. Also agreed that if there are future trips that she will make the time to give me at least a decent phone call or two. She basically said it was partly my fault for not telling her that while she was there, my response "yeah well I didn't want to possibly get into an argument over the phone and I didn't want you to get mad at me while you were on your trip". My feeling, if this was going on for a week or two I would have said something while she was there, but for a 3 day trip it wasn't worth bringing it up while she was gone.

Oh well, next year I am going with her and she wants me to come to ones after that as well. She basically disliked being away from me enough that she wants me to come from now on. So long as it isn't expensive why not? Her friend who is married decided the same thing with her husband (this is the first trip she had taken since getting married) since she missed him so much as well.

I wish extroverts weren't so dang easy to distract.

Oh well.
-Matt
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