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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-08-2005, 05:28 PM Thread Starter
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Company Christmas Party

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 8, 2005

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Clau! s! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should cost more than $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 8, 2005

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 9, 2005

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gifts exchange; no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE W! ILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: November 10, 2005

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take home in a little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed, though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food - we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Fucking Employees
DATE: November 11, 2005

RE: The Fucking Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks - I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not! , so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fucking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!


FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 13, 2005

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party.

Happy Holidays!



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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-08-2005, 05:39 PM
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Re: Company Christmas Party

We need an auto summarize feature.


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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-08-2005, 05:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Company Christmas Party

or a helper monkey


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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-08-2005, 05:45 PM
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Re: Company Christmas Party

Auto Summarize On:

Human resource directory goes crazy being everyone's bitch. Life Sucks. Go die.

Auto Summarize Off.

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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-08-2005, 05:49 PM
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Re: Company Christmas Party

[quote author=Hexedit link=topic=35267.msg504019#msg504019 date=1134081901]
Auto Summarize On:

Human resource directory goes crazy being everyone's bitch. Life Sucks. Go die.

Auto Summarize Off.
[/quote]

Thank-you.

LOLERSKATES.



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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-09-2005, 09:01 AM
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Re: Company Christmas Party

But its so true, you cant have a simple Holiday Party anymore because everyone gets offended if their religion isnt the one being celebrated or their special needs arent met.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-09-2005, 09:28 AM
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Re: Company Christmas Party

As funny as that is, and true in some cases, I am quite surprised by my company. I work for one of the big banks based in NYC and we had the Investment Bank party earlier this week. There was an open bar and plenty of appetizers moving around as well as music I hear... too bad I didn't get to go because I couldn't leave the project I was working on! Good thing there are so many groups and subgroups here... I'll make one of the others!



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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-09-2005, 09:49 AM
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Re: Company Christmas Party

This is probably why my company doesn't have them anymore....
post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-09-2005, 11:48 AM
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Re: Company Christmas Party

Ours is tonight, ther's 7 different types of cuisine from different regions, no christmas tree, like 8 different types of entertainment from varying cultures, etc.

Open bar is fun though :P

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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-10-2005, 03:44 AM
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Re: Company Christmas Party

My company will have a new year's party on Jan. 7... I think that makes up for the lack of holiday party. Yup...


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