my trip to the bathroom - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
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post #1 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-27-2005, 06:20 PM Thread Starter
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my trip to the bathroom

So for lunch today I had this huge burrito....beans, ground beef, cheese, sour cream....you get the idea. A few hours later I feel a rumblin' in my tummy so I make my way to the men's room in my office building. My building houses several companies, most of which are tech-based such as a web design firm, a couple of software companies, etc. There is also a law firm and some kind of venture capital company. Everyone I see in the morning or in the hallway is well dressed and polite.

So imagine my surprise when I find a vacant bathroom stall and it is full of crap. Three perfectly formed turds are just sitting there in the bowl. But what surprises me even more is that there is absolutely no fucking paper in the toilet. It hasn't been flushed. That's obvious from the pristine condition of the turds. So some sick asshole took a shit and didn't wipe. Was it the guy in the elevator? The guy I talked to while on a smoke-break? Is it someone in my company? It just absolutely freaks me out to know that there is someone roaming around my building with a shit-covered ass.

I considered the possibilties: maybe he ran out of paper....nope, there's plenty. Maybe the toilet is broken? nope. The only possibility besides this guy just being a sicko, is that he's a phantom shitter. That's right: he gets his kicks by shitting places and leaving it for people to find. That's also pretty sick, but at least it's an attempt at humor or making some kind of wierdo political statement (probably someone who would agree with DUBS). Even then, it makes me hesitate to shake anyone's hand or open a door or touch an elevator button....because if someone is that sick, they obviously don't wash their hands.

Now I catch myself sniffing the air when I pass people in the office, trying to figure out who it is. Look what you've done to me, you sick fuck. I hope you're happy.
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post #2 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-27-2005, 06:25 PM
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Re: my trip to the bathroom

Thats disturbing... How do you shit and then not wipe...cant imagine that...
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post #3 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-27-2005, 06:28 PM
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Re: my trip to the bathroom

:lmao: :lmao: that is hilarious, just the way you told it, i can only imagine :lmao:
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post #4 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-27-2005, 06:28 PM
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Re: my trip to the bathroom

[quote author=MZ3sZoomZoom link=topic=32453.msg456101#msg456101 date=1130448351]
Thats disturbing... How do you shit and then not wipe...cant imagine that...
[/quote]

I've had a couple clean poos.

I still do a saftey wipe. Girls don't like racing stripes in the drawers.

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post #5 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-27-2005, 06:28 PM
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Re: my trip to the bathroom

Two possibilities come to mind:

1) the person couldn't decide whether to fold or crumple, so did neither.
2) indeed it was DUBS making a political statement.

[quote author=crazyduckme link=topic=177063.msg3770321#msg3770321 date=1282314647]
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post #6 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-27-2005, 06:29 PM
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Re: my trip to the bathroom

murph u kill me...
its funny though, cause i work in a corporate building as well, very upscale, i see men come out the stall, didnt flush, didnt wash there hands etc, im like ya nasty ass bastards, in a expensive suit, and u look at me the minority like im the one thats nasty

my motto is, i wash my hands before i piss, cause i dont know where my hands been and im not touching my tool with dirty hands,lol the hands i shake after im out the bathroom, well thats your problem....j/p

**and you thought that wouldn't get removed?
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post #7 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-27-2005, 06:30 PM
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Re: my trip to the bathroom

[quote author=RatBastard link=topic=32453.msg456107#msg456107 date=1130448510]
Two possibilities come to mind:

1) the person couldn't decide whether to fold or crumple, so did neither.
2) indeed it was DUBS making a political statement.
[/quote]


:lmao: Dubs =

That is funny!!!!


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post #8 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-27-2005, 06:36 PM
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Re: my trip to the bathroom

that thing next to the toilet is called a bidet.. It isn't for washing your boots.


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post #9 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-27-2005, 06:45 PM
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Re: my trip to the bathroom

I drink a ton of water every day at work, so I make frequent (probably 5 or 6) trips every day to the bathroom. And about every other time I'm in there (sometimes more, or I'll walk by the bathroom and see him coming out or going in), I see the same weird dude from across my office sitting on the toilet taking a shit and making a lot of noise while doing it. I can tell it's him because of his dirty ass 80s tennis shoes. Who takes 2 or 3 shits during a 9 hour work day? How is that even possible? It's no wonder he's got those jacked up tennis shoes, he can't afford anything better because he spends all his money on fuckking toilet paper!

Anyway, a little aside there. I just can't decide if the phantom shitter is worth than my serial shitter or not. The only recourse you have is to post leaflets around your floor saying "WIPE YOUR ASS, PHANTOM SHITTER. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE."
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post #10 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-27-2005, 07:04 PM
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Re: my trip to the bathroom

can you imagine one day walking into your usual corporate toilet stall closing the door and seeing a disclaimer about wiping your ass....I would be dumbfounded if that came to be "because of a minority of people that don't do it" lol. I mean like putting warning labels on stuff that doesn't make sense cuz it would take less than no common sense to understand to not do what its saying to not do. uh i hope you understood that last statement, if not. WARNING SECOND LAST SENTENCE MIGHT OFFEND SOME! LOL

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