39 Things you should have learned by now - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
 
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-19-2005, 12:10 PM Thread Starter
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39 Things you should have learned by now

1.Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2.Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

3.Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4.Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity.

5.If you must choose between two evils, pick the one
you've never tried before.

6.My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7.Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8.It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9.For every action, there is an equal and opposite
government program.

10.If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the
trip.

11.Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of
cheques.

12.A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts
feel so good.

13.Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14.Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15.No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16.A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.

17.Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness
of the waist change places.

18.Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19.Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away
three weeks before you need it.

20.There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21.Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to
recognise a mistake when you make it again.

22.By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23.Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.

24.Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to
the real world.

25.It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.

26.If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the
human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".

27.There is a very fine line between "hobby"and "mental
illness".

28.People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.

29.You should not confuse your career with your life.

30.Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and
dance.

31.Never lick a steak knife.

32.The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

33.You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we put the clocks back.

34.You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

35.There comes a time when you should stop expecting other
people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

36.The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of
age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

37.A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

38.Your friends love you anyway.

39.Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone
amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

2005 Mustang GT. 300hp/320 ft.lbs. Torque.

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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-19-2005, 12:25 PM
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Re: 39 Things you should have learned by now

Nice list I love the one about meetings. Its more true than you know..
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-19-2005, 02:17 PM
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Re: 39 Things you should have learned by now

You forgot number 40... Brought to us by Chef:

The right time to start having sex is..... Seventeen.

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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-19-2005, 02:24 PM
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Re: 39 Things you should have learned by now

19.Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away
three weeks before you need it.


thats a good one...and very true


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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-19-2005, 02:31 PM
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Re: 39 Things you should have learned by now

[quote author=jdesclafani link=topic=29715.msg412522#msg412522 date=1127154244]
19.Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away
three weeks before you need it.


thats a good one...and very true
[/quote]
I should show my girlfriend this one...

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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-19-2005, 07:51 PM
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Re: 39 Things you should have learned by now

Quote:
6.My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
the question is, when I say this to my mom, will I get beaten, scrambled or poached?

<ToiletDuk> i want to meet a 2 year old with no gag reflex
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-19-2005, 08:53 PM
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Re: 39 Things you should have learned by now

[quote author=jdesclafani link=topic=29715.msg412522#msg412522 date=1127154244]
19.Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away
three weeks before you need it.


thats a good one...and very true
[/quote]
roger that.

I now own a 2008 350z Base MT
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-19-2005, 09:05 PM
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Re: 39 Things you should have learned by now

haha good list


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