to be, or not to be, in a friend's wedding....
ok, I need some help making a decision...
A friend of mine is getting married in September. The wedding is out in Montana (where I lived for a while) and I live in the DC area. So I booked flights and hotels for myself and my girlfriend. I've got a lot of stuff that I want to see and do, and had put together a nice little vacation. Flying out thursday afternoon, wedding on Saturday, flying home Tuesday morning. I booked my travel about a month ago and everything was cool.
Last night I was talking to my friend, and he asked me to be in the wedding. This is a really good friend of mine, and we've managed to stay in contact since I moved back to DC 5 years ago. I'm flattered and honored that he asked me, but I said no. I'm going to be in 3 weddings this summer, and it's getting to be a bit much. Plus, it really eats into my vacation. There's the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, so that pretty much kills all of Friday afternoon and evening. Then the wedding is in the mid afternoon, but I would need to be there pretty early (based on my experience with this kind of thing) so that takes care of Saturday as well and leaves me with Sunday and Monday to do all of the things I wanted to do. I was planning on heading down to Yellowstone for a day, and then going north into the Bridger mountains for some hiking, as well as roaming around town. That's a lot to cram into 5 days, let alone 2 and a couple of mornings and I really don't want to spend my whole vacation in a rental car trying to get to all the places I want to go. To top if off, my girlfriend doesn't know anybody there or how to get anywhere and I would hate to just ditch her for, essentially, the better part of a day and a half.
When I first said no, he was very understanding. He understood that I hadn't planned on being in the wedding when I made my travel plans and that it would prevent me from doing a lot of the things I wanted to do. He also understood that I'm getting pretty "wedding'd out" this summer. Like I said, this is a good friend of mine and we don't play games with words. If one of us says something, the other knows that they're being honest.
But still, I can't help but think that he probably felt dissapointed about it. And, to be honest, I feel a little bad about it myself. A wedding is one of the biggest days of someone's life and to be asked to participate is a big honor. Maybe I'm being selfish about it, but it's my vacation, too, and I don't get to take many of them. (I love how my company enticed me with 4 weeks paid vacation and the keeps me too busy to use it). If he had asked me from the beginning, that would be different, but I made my plans without that consideration. I'm not "pissed off" about being put in the position, but I'm not sure what the word would be to describe my feelings. Maybe I'm pissed off at the position I'm in, not at him for putting me in it.
Do I stick with my decision to not be in his wedding? Am I being too selfish? If so, should I call him and offer to do it? It's not that I don't want to do be in his wedding, it's that I don't want to be in any wedding under these specific circumstances. But I don't want to damage what has been a great friendship, with one of the few people that I genuinely get along with.
Why couldn't he have just asked me from the beginning? It would have made this all so much simpler.