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post #1 of 73 (permalink) Old 03-16-2005, 03:43 PM Thread Starter
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Marriage & Divorce

What are your views on Divorce? Most people will say they are against it. No one goes into a marriage hoping it will fail, nobody can really say why a marriage failed. How many people on here have been divorced?

Marriage-how long have you been married and how did you know she/he was the one? (If you're engaged, same question applies)

I was married for 3 yrs. Marriage is tough, you deal with a lot of stuff, financial issues don't help either, but we were always in it together. The last year of our marriage, my Ex husband lost his job. Ok, well he will get another one. He managed to get hired on to about 5 jobs that year and subsequently fired from each one for being rude and late all the time. This is only one of the reasons we ended up splitting, but there it is.

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post #2 of 73 (permalink) Old 03-16-2005, 04:14 PM
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Marriage is a contract between two parties......if you look at it generally. Divorce is the out clause. Nothing wrong with it

However, it should be exercised judiciously and only as a last resort. That I don't think happens anymore. In fact, the act of marriage should be exercised twice as judiciously as divorce. People nowadays break up for the stupidest reasons like 'oh I found out my wife makes funny noises when she eats' or 'hell I didn't know the bastard would snore!! Now how am I suppose to live with that?'

Just like with any other legally binding contracts....a good list of reasons for divorce can include things like being lied to, being pressured into doing something you don't want to, misrepresenting one self during courting and later. And then the most obvious things like physical or mental abuse. And no.....I don't think snoring or noisy eating habits count as mental anguish.

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post #3 of 73 (permalink) Old 03-16-2005, 04:24 PM
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Well, I am too young to be married, but my parents are another story.

My parents just recently became officially divorced (about 2-3 weeks ago). They were split for 3 years before they were divorced. There life wasn't so bad until about 7 years ago. We moved a few years earlier and the house was putting my parents into a huge amount of debt because the house was in a very upscale neighborhood of Pittsburgh and it was 3 times as expensive as our old house. They began to fight, my dad moved into a spare room we had, the arguing got worse every night as time progressed, and finally he had enough and moved out while my mom was on vacation.

Today, my mother lives alone and will be moving out of her house now and into a smaller house by the end of the year.

My dad has been dating woman (who also divorced from her significant other) for about 2 years, even while he was still married to my mom. That was really awkward for me, and my older brother was furious (another story onto itself here). My father rents a townhouse, but his girlfriend will soon be building a house on a piece of land she bought from her divorce.

Overall, it was an odd process being in the middle of things. Things were bad at the beginning, then for a year or so, everything seemed okay. Then it got real bad last summer when court proceedings began. I was being pulled in both directions by my parents, and my brother tried to help but he just ended up yelling and making things worse. I can tell my dad is relieved that things are done, but my mom is kind of numb to things now. I've caught here once or twice just staring into space. She's never done that before.

I honestly don't like divorces. I think it is a nasty, emotionally draining process. I can't even count how many times someone cried over it. I thought, once this began, it would be a good idea. No more fights, arguing, or tears. Now, it's almost as if they were still together: crap piled on top of crap. They still argue, in front of me. Holidays blow. Christmas and Thanksgiving are ruined because I am being pulled in different directions. My dad doesn't really care what I do since he's got his new girlfriend.

The one positive thing is that I can now talk to things with my mom that I never could before. She's a lot different now. More laid back and easy going. Before, she was a freakin bomb waiting to go off.

I know it's not what you really wanted, but this is more of a 3rd person view of things. Maybe it'll be intriguing to some.


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post #4 of 73 (permalink) Old 03-16-2005, 04:34 PM
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Divorce? eh. It happens. Sometimes people just can't be together any more.

I will say this, though: perhaps the two individuals getting divorced don't need it, but any family members (i.e. children) caught in the middle need to go see a therapist. There are so many feelings and emotions being thrown around that it's hard to handle, even for an older teenager.

I was 18 when my parents split up and I pretty much just took it with the attitude of "I'm an adult now, I'm moving out on my own anyway, so it doesn't affect me too much." Man, I was really wrong about that. The worst part is that no matter what happens, one or both parents WILL use you against the other one. They may not know they're doing it, hell, they may think they're going out of their way to avoid doing it, and it may not be intentional, but it WILL happen. And that's a lot for anyone to deal with, let alone a kid.
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post #5 of 73 (permalink) Old 03-16-2005, 04:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by "murph182"
Divorce? eh. It happens. Sometimes people just can't be together any more.

I will say this, though: perhaps the two individuals getting divorced don't need it, but any family members (i.e. children) caught in the middle need to go see a therapist. There are so many feelings and emotions being thrown around that it's hard to handle, even for an older teenager.

I was 18 when my parents split up and I pretty much just took it with the attitude of "I'm an adult now, I'm moving out on my own anyway, so it doesn't affect me too much." Man, I was really wrong about that. The worst part is that no matter what happens, one or both parents WILL use you against the other one. They may not know they're doing it, hell, they may think they're going out of their way to avoid doing it, and it may not be intentional, but it WILL happen. And that's a lot for anyone to deal with, let alone a kid.
I can relate.

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post #6 of 73 (permalink) Old 03-16-2005, 05:02 PM
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I'm afraid of it. I've never been married, but I look forward to the day. Coming from my background, divorce is the last thing I ever want to experience. I believe in staying for the long-haul, maintaining fidelity, and working things out through tick & thin. That is how I measure success: the ability to work together and stay together. Maybe this is just an ideal that I would like to live by, and reality will go against me -- but damn it that's what I want. I grew up in a very traditional, old-world household. All my relatives grew up the same way. Everything I've ever known, my entire identity, is comprised of a more traditional, conservative mindset. I believe in a strong nuclear family. I realize that there are instances where this isn't possible because of someone's behavior, and in those cases, divorce is understandable. However, I agree that a divorce rate of >50% of marriages (and climbing) is HIGHLY indicative of a fundamental societal problem.


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post #7 of 73 (permalink) Old 03-16-2005, 05:13 PM Thread Starter
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haha. the Divorce Rate isn't 50%. I read that it's actually a lot lower. Basically they took the number of marriages one year and divided it by the divorces that year, but failed to take into account that almost none of the marriages of that year had actually gotten divorced and that there are millions of marriages that are still together.
My marriage failed b/c my partner didn't want to work on anything, not to mention he wasn't a contributing partner.

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post #8 of 73 (permalink) Old 03-16-2005, 05:19 PM
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your man lost out. divorce is ok in my book. no reason to be mis rable your whole life.


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post #9 of 73 (permalink) Old 03-16-2005, 05:21 PM Thread Starter
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nutcase, get back out there and enjoy the sights.

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post #10 of 73 (permalink) Old 03-16-2005, 05:59 PM
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I've been maried a long time now...
My wife is my best friend. She can be very forgiving. After all she constantly endures life with me without losing her composure... which is not easy.
I'm trying my best to do the same for her.

There are many times during marriage when both people need to make compromises. You cannot always have it your way. Actually it is not supposed to be just YOUR way, ever.

I guess it is harder every day to find true friendship and true love.
People are forced to be so much more self-centered nowadays... career, money, stress - these seem to be keywords of today's lifestyles.
Hardly any room left for fun, family and some good old fashion companionship...
OMG, I sound like I'm sixty-something.

Anyway, I can understand that peple can be extremely disappointed with their partners and their life together can become miserable. There is no need to suffer forever - a divorce maybe the only way out.
But I think with a lot of luck and a lot of love you can still end up being happily married and having beautiful children too boot. I guess I'm a case in point - I wouldn't trade my life for anything in the world. Seriously.

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