I despise my 'best friend' - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
 
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-06-2005, 11:15 PM Thread Starter
dbK
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I despise my 'best friend'

I guess some background may be necessary. We dated for like 9 months. Broke up.. eh, maybe like 16 months ago? Fuck, idk. Pulled that stupid bullshit of oh let's still be friends, which was pretty ok cuz we obviously got really close. So we stayed close, would hang out once or twice a week, around our work and school schedules. This was during my senior year, and summer rolled around and I was gearing up for college. Still saw eachother weekly, more or less. Generally like during the day or something for a few hours, rarely would we go out on a weekend/night, just, eh, cuz? idk. Anyway, so I go to college for a semester. We begin to talk less, I think not because of any reason other than our schedules didn't match at all. I switched to a school near home for this semester, and I commute now [wasn't feeling the other school at all].. so I'm home. She's home [year younger than I]. Been home since the 2nd wk in December and have seen her like 4 times, a total of maybe 10 hours. Best friends. We talk a couple of times a week, and maybe I'm just overcaring or something, but she doesn't seem like she cares or even realizes. Furthermore, I'm pretty sure she's seeing someone new [duh, she has one of those font-that-makes-a-picture hearts in her profile and shit..], which isn't a problem, just that she hasn't talked to me about it. I've spoken to her about what I was doing in that regard, just figured it went with the territory of best friends.. yet nothing out of her mouth. I was at her house today and she had a painting that she was working on and only part of it was visible, so I went to look at it and she flipped out. Took it and shoved it in her closet, caught a glance, looked maybe like a guy leaning into kiss a girl, presumably her, as she squirreled the thing away. Whatever, that doesn't bother me, it was coming sooner or later and we've both moved on. But why she tried, and continues to try to hide it from me is the bullshit of the situation.


Fuck, that was horribly written, I apologize. Needed to vent a bit, maybe I'll yell at her later. Or I'll just stop talking to her. Oh, right, I already kinda did-- I'm generally the one to call or IM her or something, and I didn't do it for like 10 days. Didn't hear from her once.

I know who cares, and unfortunatley it isn't her.


hm. maybe i'll call her on this shit tomorrow if i'm bored.

Enjoy your spahgetti, you're very rude.


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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-07-2005, 12:43 AM
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I despise my 'best friend'

dude, you probly dont want to hear this but sounds to me like your in love with this dame.

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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-07-2005, 01:10 AM
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I despise my 'best friend'

Maybe it's time to move on. She obviously still gets to you in every possible way which is evident from two or three of your posts where you were apologizing for being in a bitchy mood cause of her. It's time to yank off this bandage.

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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-07-2005, 09:25 AM
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I despise my 'best friend'

Quote:
dude, you probly dont want to hear this but sounds to me like your in love with this dame.
second that. you weren't "best friends", you were clinging to the idea that you might get back together with her. This is why, under most circumstances, you don't "just be friends" with someone you used to date.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-07-2005, 11:09 AM
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I despise my 'best friend'

make a clean break. Man there are so many chicks out there
It's pretty obvious that she means more to you than
you do to her and that never works.
Chicks hate guys who beg or seem emotionally needy.
Suck it up and move on.
Don't call her.

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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-07-2005, 11:22 AM
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I despise my 'best friend'

Some people handle situations in ways we dont agree with. In this case you might not agree with any decision she makes that doesnt put you first. Shes probably trying to make things easier on you by not telling you about things in her life that she feels would upset you. and that might not be a bad thing. The way i see it is when you date someone you share a certain amount of intimacy that normal friendships dont have and because of this things tend to get territorial, and even though you decide not to pursue the relationship anymore your feelings toward her dont just turn-off, your instinct to protect your territory doesnt just dissapear. It takes along time and a lot of effort on both sides to work through. To a lot of people its simply not worth it.

My ex and I really did the "friendship" thing for about a year after we broke up because we felt that we were better as friends then we were as bf/gf we wanted to prove that it could be done. We did quite well at it for the most part, but as soon as there was talk about a new love interest things would get weird. We worked through a lot of issues as best we could but it was a long bumpy road with a whole lot of hurt feelings and self-realization involved. I ended up moving out-of-state and we speak to each other occasionally but its not what it used to be. I could get upset that she doesnt make the effort anymore but what good is that? I have my life she has hers.

Heres a couple things i learned from my adventures down Friendship Avenue.

Typically, we as humans react to our emotions and want to blame others for our feelings instead of taking the time analyze why we're reacting the way we are to the situation. An example of this would be when you call her to go out and she doesnt call you back for a few days. Is it her fault you have expectations of her that shes not meeting? even though you wear the "best friends" badge your priorities might not be at the top of her priorities anymore despite you feeling they should be. remember you also where the "ex-boyfriend" badge.

Think about what you would say to her if she told you about the "new guy". what kind of questions would you ask about him? How comfortable would she be telling you? And because you share a level of intimacy you expect her to not hold back and be honest about everything right? Would she have to curb the excitement shes feeling because its new and fun for her? Is that fair? Who would want to put themselves through that? lets say you guys think its worth it and keep moving forward with the friendship. whats next?

Well because your "just friends" she has you meet the new guy because she wants to show him your not a threat. She'll be all over him the same way she used to be all over you. If not, he'd be suspicious that something was still going on between you two. You cant get visually upset because its would make the situation even more awkward. Inadvertantly, shes also letting you know that you've been replaced as the most important person in her life and thats a tough pill to swallow.

theres a lot of other lessons to be learned but i'm sure by now you get my drift.

The best and most important lesson of all this is that Friendship Ave is a 2-way street and she has to be able to be just as understanding and deal with all the same stuff on her end in order for it to work out. I guess its pretty easy to see why most relationships dont end in friendship.

Sorry for the long post.

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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-07-2005, 12:03 PM
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I despise my 'best friend'

I was in a very similar situation. I never ever thought I would say this after the way my last relationship ended, but it will get better and you will begin to forget about her. I haven't forgotten yet, but I'm certainly making good progress.

For the record, I tried to be a good friend to her after we broke up (and I still talk to her sometimes on AIM). Looking back on it, I realize how stupid of me it was to think that I could honestly be happy for her in her new relationship so soon after our breakup. Feelings of bitterness and hate quickly built up, and it was only tormenting me (she couldn't care less of course b/c she was happy with the new guy, and that fueled the flames).

For the longest time, I was still in her "business" after our breakup, wanting to know everything that went on between her and the new guy. Sometimes it would piss her off, and she would fire back that it wasn't any of my business. As a result of my prying, she became accustomed to putting up a shield every time we talked. Every little thing I say puts her in a bitchy defense mode, and let me tell you -- it DOESN'T help the friendship at all.

The best advice I got from people, is to stay away from her (at the very least until I am comfortable enough with her new relationship to actually be happy for her). I don't see myself truly being 100% happy for her though until I have a girlfriend of my own.


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