Code Word - Really Means
40-ish Will be - 50 next month
Adventure - Has had more partners than you ever will
Affectionate - Possessive
Artist - Unreliable
Athletic - Flat chested
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Commitment-minded - Pick out curtains, now!
Communication important - Just try to get a word in edge-wise
Contagious Smile - Bring your penicillin
Educated - College dropout
Emotionally - Secure Medicated
Employed - Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home
Enjoys art and opera - Snob
Enjoys Nature - Bring your own granola
Exotic - Beauty Would frighten a Martian
Feminist - Fat; ball buster
Financially Secure - One paycheck from the street
Free spirit - Substance user
Friendship first - Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun - Annoying
Gentle - Comatose
Good Listener - Borderline Autistic
Humorous - Caustic
Intuitive - Your opinion doesn't count
In Transition - Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills
Light drinker - Lush
Looks younger - If viewed from far away in bad light
Loves Travel - If you're paying
Loves Animals - Cat lady
Mature - Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in bed, like last boyfriend did
New-Age - All body hair, all the time
Non-tradional - Ex-husband lives in the basement
Old-fashioned - Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud
Passionate - Loud
Petite - Wouldn't stand out in a pack of Munchkins
Poet - Depressive Schzophrenic
Professional - Bitch
Redhead - Shops on the Clairol aisle
Reliable - Frumpy
Reubenesque - Grossly Fat
Romantic - Looks better by candle light
Self-employed - Jobless
Smart - Insipid
Special - Rode the short schoolbus
Spiritual - Involved with a cult
Stable - Boring
Tall, thin - Anorexic
Tan - Wrinkled
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Wants Soulmate - One step away from stalking
Weight proportional to height - Hugely Fat
Widow - Nagged first husband to death
Writer - Pompous
Young at heart - Toothless crone