Rules for driving in Jersey! - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-21-2005, 10:42 PM Thread Starter
dbK
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Rules for driving in Jersey!

Basic Rules For Driving In New Jersey - (Authour Unknown)

1. Turn signals are just clues as to your next move in road battle. A real New Jersey driver never uses them.

2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you no matter how fast you're going. If you do, the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered going with the flow.

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rear ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.

6. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.

7. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. We're talkin' New Jersey insurance laws here, the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

8. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your anti-lock braking system kicks in to give you a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

9. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures to make New Jersey look as if it conforms with other state policies; these are given only as suggestions and are readily unenforceable.

11. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that the driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

12. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic on the Garden State Parkway.

13. All unmarked exits on the Parkway lead to downtown Newark.

14. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire.

15. Learn to swerve abruptly. New Jersey is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the NJDOT, who put potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

16. It is traditional in New Jersey to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes. The state is founded upon such traditions.

17. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

18. Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the exit but before the traffic begins to back up.

19. The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information. They're just to make the Turnpike look progressive and to distract you from seeing the State Trooper car parked in the median.

20. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

21. Remember that the goal of every New Jersey driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

22. Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape, keeps the existing litter from getting lonely and gives Adopt-A-Highway crews something to clean up.

23. Real New Jersey women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at seventy-five miles per hour or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

24. Real New Jersey men drivers can peruse the sports section and shave and remove their girlfriends bra and panties at seventy-five miles per hour or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

25. In the New Jersey area 'flipping someone the bird' is considered a polite New Jersey salute. This gesture should always be returned.

26. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards and new vehicle sales.

Enjoy your spahgetti, you're very rude.


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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-22-2005, 01:20 AM
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Rules for driving in Jersey!

Bro, that is F'in hillllllllllllllllarious.




If you can drive in NJ for a full year without going crazy. YOU CAN DRIVE ANYWHERE.


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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-22-2005, 01:37 AM
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Rules for driving in Jersey!

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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-22-2005, 08:48 AM
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Rules for driving in Jersey!

you know, i think NJ and Cali have A LOT in common.

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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-22-2005, 08:56 AM
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Rules for driving in Jersey!

damn ,soon as i read number one i was like thats jersey alright...
good shit..

**and you thought that wouldn't get removed?
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-22-2005, 09:43 AM
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Rules for driving in Jersey!

It's funny cuz it's true. It really REALLY is true!

Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway.
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-22-2005, 10:13 AM
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Rules for driving in Jersey!

lol. seems normal to me.
Another one-anything less than 80 on I-295 is considered pussy driving and you will get run over.

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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-22-2005, 10:29 AM
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Rules for driving in Jersey!

Quote:
Originally Posted by "csweeney"
lol. seems normal to me.
Another one-anything less than 80 on I-295 is considered pussy driving and you will get run over.
Even in NYS, on the highway, I've never been pulled over for doing anything less than 85. I've literally blown right past troopers doing 83... They only pull you over if you're doing close to 90 so your fine is NICE and FAT. They can wait for it because there's going to be someone doing 90... that's guaranteed!

Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway.
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-22-2005, 04:20 PM
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Rules for driving in Jersey!

THAT'S JERSEY ALRIGHT!!!!


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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-22-2005, 06:34 PM
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Rules for driving in Jersey!

20. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

That is one of the best, and truest things I've read all month.


Thanks dbK!
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