Holiday Hangover Guide - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-15-2004, 11:03 PM Thread Starter
Grand Am Series
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 374
Holiday Hangover Guide

Subject: Hangover rating system

One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively
well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.


Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.


Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavoured schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.


Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take
during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.


Five Star Hangover, (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed ! out in your bed this morning. Any
attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now....


THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British
Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious
Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
Nope, no more booze for me.
Sorry, but you're not really my type.
Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
Sorry I'm being such a jackass.



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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-15-2004, 11:12 PM
Le Mans: Prototype Class
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 1,297
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Holiday Hangover Guide

Thank god I've never hit a 5 star ...

1-2 star is faily common for me though.

Not common enough though ... time ti step things up this semester.


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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-15-2004, 11:39 PM
F1 Driver
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Iowa
Posts: 12,421
Holiday Hangover Guide

Hehe thats hilarious you gotta love the guy taht 24 hours after he stopped drinking still has the alcohol smell coming from his sweat glands..I dont think I have ever gotten that trashed..nor do I think I want to..
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-15-2004, 11:59 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Nor*Cal
Posts: 10,693
Holiday Hangover Guide

only hit a 4 star twice


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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-16-2004, 01:18 AM
Le Mans: GT Class
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Edmonton AB Canada
Posts: 724
Holiday Hangover Guide

ROFLMAO! Damn that was funny! Thanks man....

I've hit every stage - #5 came in the form of a bottle of Mescal, which was preceded by a lot of Rum, which was preceded with most of a case of beer, which was prompted by a few coffee and Bailey's, which all started after Bungee jumping. Ahh, what a waste of 2 days (not the drinking, that was 1 evening's worth - I'm talking about how long the hangover lasted!). On a related note: Is Pepto-Bismol considered 'solid food'?

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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-16-2004, 01:24 AM
Short Track Racer
 
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Location: Canada
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Holiday Hangover Guide

6.3 BABY



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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-16-2004, 01:46 AM
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Holiday Hangover Guide

:shock:


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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-16-2004, 02:20 AM
Le Mans: GT Class
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 936
Holiday Hangover Guide

omg thats nasty

i don't drink though
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-16-2004, 02:38 AM
F1 Driver
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: New Haven, CT
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Holiday Hangover Guide

The two stars are the best. That feeling of not knowing who you are or where you are in the morning is pretty fun.
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-16-2004, 08:54 AM
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Holiday Hangover Guide

Yuck to that picture. I think I've been like a 1/2 star. LOL. I don't drink that much.

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