Some Dear Santa letters LOlers I can use google! - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-13-2004, 08:40 PM Thread Starter
F1 Driver
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Seoul, Korea
Posts: 4,005
Some Dear Santa letters LOlers I can use google!

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend, BiLLY


Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa

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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah


Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa



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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy


Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa



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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis


Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa



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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan


Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa



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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas


Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa



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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica


Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa



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Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE, could! I! have one?
Timmy


Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa



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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky


Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-13-2004, 08:49 PM
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Some Dear Santa letters LOlers I can use google!

Here's the Santa that sent those replies...



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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-14-2004, 07:36 AM
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Some Dear Santa letters LOlers I can use google!

LMAO!!! :lmao:

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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-14-2004, 08:00 AM
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Some Dear Santa letters LOlers I can use google!

Those santa letters are funny
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-14-2004, 09:40 AM
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Some Dear Santa letters LOlers I can use google!

marky
thats why you got your ass kicked... lol priceless

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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-14-2004, 09:47 AM
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Some Dear Santa letters LOlers I can use google!

Quote:
Originally Posted by "Absinthe"
LMAO!!! :lmao:
. ditto.

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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-14-2004, 02:04 PM
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Location: NYC
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Some Dear Santa letters LOlers I can use google!

Facting Hilarious!


Now for: [size=18px]Little Johnny's Letter to Santa[/size]

You must be surprised that I'm writing you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month! While filled with illusion I wrote you a letter and I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of rollerblades, and a football uniform.

I destroyed my brain studying the whole year! Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, Santa, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me. With my parents, my brothers, my friends and with my neighbors, I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing I wouldn't do for humanity!

WHAT BALLS YOU HAVE LEAVING ME A FUCKING YO-YO, A STUPID ASS WHISTLE, AND A PAIR OF SOCKS! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, YOU FAT SON OF A BITCH? YOU'VE TAKEN ME FOR A SUCKER THE WHOLE FUCKING YEAR, TO COME OUT WITH SOME SHIT LIKE THIS UNDER THE DAMN TREE. AS IF YOU HADN'T FUCKED ME ENOUGH, YOU GAVE THAT LITTLE SHITHEAD ACROSS THE STREET SO MANY FUCKING TOYS, THAT HE CAN'T EVEN WALK INTO HIS DAMN HOUSE!

PLEASE DON'T LET ME SEE YOU TRYING TO FIT YOUR BIG FAT ASS DOWN MY CHIMNEY NEXT YEAR! I'LL FUCK YOU UP! I'LL THROW ROCKS AT THOSE STUPID ASS REINDEERS OF YOURS, AND SCARE THEM THE FUCK AWAY, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WALK YOUR BIG FAT ASS BACK TO THE NORTHPOLE, JUST LIKE I HAVE TO DO SINCE YOU DIDN'T GET ME THAT FUCKING BIKE, YOU PUNK BITCH!!

YOU KNOW WHAT SANTA, FUCK YOU!! NEXT YEAR YOU'LL FIND OUT HOW BAD I CAN REALLY FUCKING BE...YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING ON A MOTHERFUCKER FAR TOO LONG! SO WATCH YOUR BACK NEXT YEAR, YOU FAT BITCH!

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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-14-2004, 09:04 PM
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Some Dear Santa letters LOlers I can use google!

LOL - I love the letters, they always crack me up... anyone have any more good Christmas comedy?

[glow=black,2,200]1990 Mazda 323 - Project Mazda Missile [/glow]
BP-code 1.8L DOHC and G-series 5SP from Escort GT, Solid/larger EGT front/rear sway bars, MX3 GS rear tie bar, EGT springs/struts, Protege GT 14" 7-spokes, Front/rear strut tower bars (awaiting install), H&R Springs/KYB GR2 struts (on-order), EGT larger front discs/rear-disc conversion (awaiting install)
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-15-2004, 11:00 AM
JT
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Some Dear Santa letters LOlers I can use google!

Hey diox, what the heck does this mean?

Quote:
LOlers I can use google!
:?

JT


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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-24-2004, 12:47 AM
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Some Dear Santa letters LOlers I can use google!

[size=18px]


HO HO HO - MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!


Christmas Story for people having a bad day....


When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit.

This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door.

He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"



And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. [/size]

[glow=black,2,200]1990 Mazda 323 - Project Mazda Missile [/glow]
BP-code 1.8L DOHC and G-series 5SP from Escort GT, Solid/larger EGT front/rear sway bars, MX3 GS rear tie bar, EGT springs/struts, Protege GT 14" 7-spokes, Front/rear strut tower bars (awaiting install), H&R Springs/KYB GR2 struts (on-order), EGT larger front discs/rear-disc conversion (awaiting install)
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