The Guys' Rules - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
 
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-07-2004, 12:56 AM Thread Starter
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The Guys' Rules

The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-07-2004, 02:11 AM
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The Guys' Rules

My girlfriend read this and she thinks it's all a bunch of hooey. We will lose no matter what.

"I am so roundhouse!"
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-07-2004, 03:09 AM Thread Starter
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The Guys' Rules

haha that's because you're WHIPPED!!!!


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Current Loves: 2007 Mazda RX8 GT with MazdaSpeed. 2008 Suzuki GSXR750 black/orange 2007 Suzuki GSXR750 track bike
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-07-2004, 08:41 AM
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The Guys' Rules

I think that is friggin' hilarious! I can't wait to show these rules to my girlfriend.

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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-07-2004, 09:57 AM
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The Guys' Rules

It's all true. BUT guys also have to learn to deal with some of our flaws. If we can deal with what's listed up there, then ya'll can deal with what goes on with us. Just a part of living with the opposite sex. The Men are not mind readers is a hard one for most girls to figure out. If I'm upset with someone, even if I don't want to talk about it, I do anyway, b/c I know he is never going to figure out on his own that I'm upset.

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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-07-2004, 01:14 PM
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The Guys' Rules

amen csweeney...::applauds her::
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-07-2004, 01:21 PM
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The Guys' Rules

Here are the "Girl Rules" :P enjoy

Female Rules


1. PMS is every woman's perogative. It is always a good enough excuse for
anything, and take advantage of it whenever possible.


2. Don't be afraid to gossip. It is your responsibility to make sure your
friends are well-informed about the latest happenings.


3. You may change your mind whenever you wish.


4. Never give a direct answer when a man asks you a question.


5. It is not wrong to withold sex to get what you want.


6. Always ask a guy "What are you thinking?" after sex.


7. If he doesn't call, take it as the most personal of insults.


8. Never believe "I love you" if it comes before sex.


9. Always wear matching bra and panties for the first few dates, then you can s
witch to the comfortable old palin white cotton once you have impressed him
with the stylishness of your underwear.


10. ALWAYS say that he is the best you've ever had.


11. Fake orgasms when necessary.


12. Find a "cute giggle". Practice it constantly.


13. Learn to toss your hair around, even if it's short.


14. Never admit that your're not a real blonde.


15. Shopping always makes you feel better.


16. When with a group of girls, it is customary to talk particularly about the
girl who is not present.


17. Always try to set up your single female friends with your single male friends.


18. Never forget that men are pigs.


19. Jeans: the tighter the better.


20. The fact that you menstruate makes it okay to bitch as much as you want
about anything you want.


21. Criticize every other woman behind her back.


22. Never reveal the full extent of your intelligence to a man.


23. Pretend that you can't do certain "guy" things like change a flat tire.
It's even okay to calim that you can't pump gasoline or check the oil.
Helpless females make a guy feel macho.


24. If a guy really cares about you, he should be able to read your mind. You
needn't have to explain yourself, ever. And he should know what's expected
of him without you saying anything.


25. Be a tease.


26. Men always want to know how they compare to the last guy you were with.
Always say "Your're not as well hung as my last boyfriend."


27. Never dutch treat.


28. If he doesn't spend money on you, don't waste your time.


29. Guys like to see you flirt with their friends.


30. Develop a "cute butt" scale and use it to rate every guy's butt that you see.


31. Never go to the ladies room alone, if you can help it.


32. Carry feminine hygiene products with you wherever you go, and don't be shy
about showing them to people.


33. Always announce to everyone when you are on the rag.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-07-2004, 01:58 PM Thread Starter
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The Guys' Rules

:lmao: so true!


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Current Loves: 2007 Mazda RX8 GT with MazdaSpeed. 2008 Suzuki GSXR750 black/orange 2007 Suzuki GSXR750 track bike
Past loves: 2005 Mazda 3 GT sedan with GFX package
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-07-2004, 02:51 PM
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The Guys' Rules

Heh heh. They must teach all of them at a young age because there is not one women that I know who doesn't live by these rules

Yeah. I'm whipped.


"I am so roundhouse!"
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