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post #1 of 30 (permalink) Old 12-23-2003, 02:32 PM Thread Starter
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Letter to ex

Dear Terri:
I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our
"cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I
swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded
little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to
make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling
back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's
cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't
care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move
as long as one of us does.

Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says...
"There's no one like you, Terri."I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see,
but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at
the Rainbow Room and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt
you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation.

She was young, Terri, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that
only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I
mean, just a perfect body. Tits you wouldn't believe and an ass like a
tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being
blown by this coed, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in
our lives.

It's all so surface. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her
better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it
make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately
attractive Terri? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before.
Don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed
her about a quart of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so
drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty,
shameless hunger, but something else. Some niggling feeling of loss.

Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the
same because you weren't there, Terri, to watch. Do you know that I mean?
Nothing feels the same without you, baby. Jesus, Terri, I'm just going crazy
without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that
single mom we met at Mt. Sinai Baptist Church? Well, she drops by last week with
a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman
around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the
real story.

Anyway, we have a few glasses of wine and the next thing you
know we're fucking in our old bedroom. And this broad's a total monster in
the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does
when she's not hung up about God and her career and whether the kids
can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your
grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle
it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes
me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Terri ever put
the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and
we never used it as a sex aid." (Some of this I thought about later.)
You know what I mean? What happened to our spontaneity? You get so
caught up in the routine of a marriage and you just lose sight of each
other. And then you lose yourself. That's the saddest part of all for me.
But I keep thinking we can get it back. I know we can, because I only
want this stuff with you.

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy
of the restraining order. I mean, Shannon's just a kid and all, but she's
got a pretty good head on her shoulders. She's been a real friend to
me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good counsel about
you and about women in general. (She's pulling for us to get back
together, Terri. She really is.)

So we're drinking in the hot tub and talking about happier times.
Here's this hot girl with the same DNA as you (although, let's face it,
she got an extra helping of the sexy gene) and all I can do is think of how
much she looks like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me
cry.

And then it turns out Shannon's really into the whole anal thing and
that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about
trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between
us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside the
steaming hot Dutch oven of your sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is
think of you? It's true, baby. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we
could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can.
I keep thinking that I think if you'd just try it, I wouldn't have to
pressure you so much. Because who needs all that bitterness, Terri? It just tears us
apart. And I can't be apart from you.

Because I love you.


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post #2 of 30 (permalink) Old 12-23-2003, 04:30 PM
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Letter to ex

Eh, I'd write it for real if I got her sister
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post #3 of 30 (permalink) Old 12-23-2003, 05:39 PM
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Letter to ex

He's got a MILF!

That's more like a sex letter.

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post #4 of 30 (permalink) Old 12-23-2003, 09:46 PM
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Letter to ex

Wow, at the start of it I thought this was a seriously letter. I was thinking "Wow, your ex is a real jerkoff."


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post #5 of 30 (permalink) Old 12-23-2003, 10:04 PM Thread Starter
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Letter to ex

roflmao. i know, i thought the same thing when i first saw this letter.

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post #6 of 30 (permalink) Old 12-23-2003, 10:06 PM
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Letter to ex

I said to myself "Wow... I didn't think her name is Terri..."


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post #7 of 30 (permalink) Old 12-07-2004, 04:38 AM
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Letter to ex

I'm sorry but this definitely needs to be bumped


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post #8 of 30 (permalink) Old 12-07-2004, 07:35 AM Thread Starter
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Letter to ex

rofl. thanks. it's a classic.

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post #9 of 30 (permalink) Old 12-07-2004, 08:27 AM
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Letter to ex

Oh man, I am reading that torn between being pissed at this guy and laughing with this guy. Awesome material!

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post #10 of 30 (permalink) Old 12-07-2004, 09:25 AM Thread Starter
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Letter to ex

Quote:
Originally Posted by "Cachetes"
Oh man, I am reading that torn between being pissed at this guy and laughing with this guy. Awesome material!
I think it's funny as hell. I start cracking up every time I read it.

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