I am somewhat new to the ladies lounge. I've been a member on the boards for some time now but never really post much. I don't think I've posted other than on the other lounge area.
I'm sorry if this is a lot or too personal but I just am not sure what to do and feel like crap. Basically, 13 years I was with the same guy. I met him when I was 16 and recently I turned 30. He's all I've known, I had no one to compare him to. When we broke up 3 months ago, I did some research and discovered that I was a victim of emotional abuse, sexual abuse and narcissistic personality disorder. The guy has all 3 and I discovered that he treated me like dirt, he squashed and took all of my self-esteem and confidence and crushed it all. He made me lose who I was and I became what he wanted me to be, did what he wanted and always focused on pleasing him. He has zero respect for me....in fact, if he did something that caused me pain, I would tell him to stop and he would say: "Pssh, it doesn't hurt!!" or "You'll get used to it!" It was always his needs, his wants, what he wanted. He could care less about me and my feelings.
I stayed with him because I was scared of never finding anyone else. I still feel that way. I have never been single and it frightens me and makes me feel alone. I don't have a lot of close girl friends but I have recently established contact with people I went to high school with. It's been a struggle and emotional roller coaster. I recently found out that he is possibly in a relationship with a female co-worker whom I had suspicions of when I was with him. I don't think it's a happy relationship because she's very manipulative and controlling.
I'm sorry if this is too much info or too long of a post. An example of how he treated me was that towards the end of our relationship, he called me a cum dumpster and laughed in my face. When I became angry and told him not to say that, he said I was too sensitive and should "lighten up"
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