hi - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-05-2010, 11:53 AM Thread Starter
Grand Am Series
 
eatmypixiedust's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: California
Posts: 306
hi

Hi,

I am somewhat new to the ladies lounge. I've been a member on the boards for some time now but never really post much. I don't think I've posted other than on the other lounge area.

I'm sorry if this is a lot or too personal but I just am not sure what to do and feel like crap. Basically, 13 years I was with the same guy. I met him when I was 16 and recently I turned 30. He's all I've known, I had no one to compare him to. When we broke up 3 months ago, I did some research and discovered that I was a victim of emotional abuse, sexual abuse and narcissistic personality disorder. The guy has all 3 and I discovered that he treated me like dirt, he squashed and took all of my self-esteem and confidence and crushed it all. He made me lose who I was and I became what he wanted me to be, did what he wanted and always focused on pleasing him. He has zero respect for me....in fact, if he did something that caused me pain, I would tell him to stop and he would say: "Pssh, it doesn't hurt!!" or "You'll get used to it!" It was always his needs, his wants, what he wanted. He could care less about me and my feelings.

I stayed with him because I was scared of never finding anyone else. I still feel that way. I have never been single and it frightens me and makes me feel alone. I don't have a lot of close girl friends but I have recently established contact with people I went to high school with. It's been a struggle and emotional roller coaster. I recently found out that he is possibly in a relationship with a female co-worker whom I had suspicions of when I was with him. I don't think it's a happy relationship because she's very manipulative and controlling.

I'm sorry if this is too much info or too long of a post. An example of how he treated me was that towards the end of our relationship, he called me a cum dumpster and laughed in my face. When I became angry and told him not to say that, he said I was too sensitive and should "lighten up"

Tinted|Satin Fuel Door|17" Konig Feathers (Gold)|Resonator Delete|Shark Fin|S2K Horns
eatmypixiedust is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-05-2010, 11:59 AM
F1 Driver
 
crazyduckme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: West Chester, PA
Posts: 24,208
Send a message via AIM to crazyduckme Send a message via Yahoo to crazyduckme
Re: hi

Ohmygosh, hun that is terrible. I'm so sorry you had to go through something like that. 13 years is a lonnnngggg time to be with someone.... and for them to treat you that way is just plain wrong.

I know it's hard to move on from a 13 year relationship... so I would say to focus of yourself for a while. You don't need a man in your life to treat you the way HE did. I just can't even imagine why/how someone could treat another human being like that.

I'm so sorry about this. Focus of yourself... do things you couldn't do when you were with him. Have a girls day/night with some those friends you got back in contact with. It would be a great idea to surround yourself with people who love you.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
xoxo Michelle
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
crazyduckme is offline  
post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-05-2010, 12:18 PM Thread Starter
Grand Am Series
 
eatmypixiedust's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: California
Posts: 306
Re: hi

Thank you for the support. I have been trying new things, such as taking a hip hop class. I never learned how to dance and it's a fun class. It's only 1 day a week so I am trying to think of other things I could do to help occupy my time. It's a lot of ups and downs....I do try to go out to dinner or something with my girl friends maybe once a week but sometimes our schedules don't work out too well.

It also bothers me that my ex used to be a mod on this forum and he actually has a "smiley" named after him. Ughhh! He is such a liar and even lied to people on this forum. That's why I've been hesitant to post here but he doesn't have a 3 anymore and I know he doesn't read or post on here at all anymore.

I lived with him for 5 years up until last summer when he moved out. He contacted me 2 weeks later and said he missed me, was miserable without me, he was mean to me but I didn't deserve it. I was hesitant to take him back and had even started therapy for myself because I was such a mess. Then I gave him the alternative of working things out with me but going to couples therapy. He agreed but it was very short-lived. He made excuses as to why he didn't want to go, texting me an hour or so before our appointment...."I'm tired! I'm sleepy!" or "Why can't you go by yourself? You've gone by yourself before!" I argued that this is couples therapy and it won't work if both people are not there. In the end, he did not do the work to make our relationship work, which caused confusion to me as to why he wanted me back. He admitted that I never mistreated him, was very altruistic and patient because I put up with his stubborn behavior. He said he was mean to me and gave me a horrible example: "I don't know why I was mean to you. It's just like parents who love their kids but are still mean to them." He has a very distorted mind and I realize that now.

I know he is not a good person to be with. I hate that I miss the thought of him. I don't miss the way he treated me. It makes me sick that I am grieving a loss like a normal person and he could care less and is emotionless. He's already jumped to the next person and does not miss me or anything. I wish I could get over this douche bag.

I am thankful that I never had kids with him or married him because I'm sure that things would be much worse.

Tinted|Satin Fuel Door|17" Konig Feathers (Gold)|Resonator Delete|Shark Fin|S2K Horns
eatmypixiedust is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-05-2010, 12:30 PM
F1 Driver
 
crazyduckme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: West Chester, PA
Posts: 24,208
Send a message via AIM to crazyduckme Send a message via Yahoo to crazyduckme
Re: hi

A mod on this forum!? and who doesn't have a 3 anymore!? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... seriously?! uh oh.

Well I'm glad you posted here. We are pretty nice girls... who help and support eachother through a lot.

You miss the thought of him. That's exactly true. You don't miss HIM, you miss the thought of him. You can find a MUCH better guy... trust me!! I've had my fair share of bad relationships (unhealthy ones too).... and I've found someone who I truly connect with and feel comfortable with. He's my best friend and the love of my life.

Anyways.... the hip hop class sounds fun! I've always wanted to do something like that, but I just keep the dancing to myself, in my room! hahaha! :P and I hear ya about the friends schedules being all difficult and stuff.... that's how me and my friends are now. EVeryone's working, or planning a wedding, or traveling. It's endless!! When we finally DO get the change to get together, it lasts HOURS! like... we'll go out to eat and leave when the place is closing! kinda crazy!!!

Have you tried Yoga? That's REALLY helpful. It defeinitely helps calm you down, that's for sure. I really liked Yoga when I did it... maybe I'll start that back up again!

kickboxing classes would help too, I'm sure!


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
xoxo Michelle
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
crazyduckme is offline  
post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-05-2010, 04:12 PM Thread Starter
Grand Am Series
 
eatmypixiedust's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: California
Posts: 306
Re: hi

I am terrible at dancing but it is a fun class. I wish it was more often. I never tried yoga before but I don't know if that's something I would be into.

I want to believe that I will find someone better but I am afraid that I won't. It's not that I feel that he is the only person out there for me ever, it's just that I've never been or known anything else except him.

It also confuses me as to why he would be with someone who is manipulative and controlling....I just assumed that with narcissistic people, they look to control and manipulate others. Maybe they are both narcissistic and sick in the head. I don't know.

I just joined one group on www.meetup.com They list a bunch of different groups within your zip code and you can meet up with them. I think some groups require approval as to why you want to join them. I'm not sure if that would help me but I guess it's worth a shot. So far the dates they planned do not work with my work schedule at all. :-/

I am the same way with my girl friends. It's hard sometimes to meet up or talk to each other but we do end up sitting for hours or until closing just talking and laughing. I do wish I had more friends because it would make things a lot easier and I feel I could get over him more quickly. I've been told that guys don't feel sad or care about breakups as much as girls. I don't know if that's true or not but I know he is not normal and he can shut off his feelings in an instant because that's what he's been good at all his life.

Tinted|Satin Fuel Door|17" Konig Feathers (Gold)|Resonator Delete|Shark Fin|S2K Horns
eatmypixiedust is offline  
post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-05-2010, 04:23 PM
F1 Driver
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 4,121
Send a message via AIM to abalinka
Re: hi

+1 to everything Michelle said. Focus on you. Eat right, work out, go out and have fun with your new friends. I'm not sure if you're having any sort of anxiety or depression caused by the breakup or his asshole antics, but if you are, the working out and proper diet will help a hell of a lot.

Since he obviously didn't think much of you, I'd return the favor by cutting off any and all communication, including checking up on him via social networking and rumors. Change your phone number if you have to.

I wish you the best of luck, lots of the ladies on here are great people to talk to and give great advice.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
abalinka is offline  
post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-05-2010, 04:29 PM Thread Starter
Grand Am Series
 
eatmypixiedust's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: California
Posts: 306
Re: hi

[quote author=abalinka link=topic=177530.msg3753496#msg3753496 date=1281039816]
+1 to everything Michelle said. Focus on you. Eat right, work out, go out and have fun with your new friends. I'm not sure if you're having any sort of anxiety or depression caused by the breakup or his asshole antics, but if you are, the working out and proper diet will help a hell of a lot.

Since he obviously didn't think much of you, I'd return the favor by cutting off any and all communication, including checking up on him via social networking and rumors. Change your phone number if you have to.

I wish you the best of luck, lots of the ladies on here are great people to talk to and give great advice.
[/quote]


Thank you. I could use all the advice and support I can get right now. I did change my cell phone # after we broke up because he text messaged me last summer after he had moved out, and that's how it all started. I foolishly once again, thought he was sincere and wanted to change and work on our relationship. He will always have a 5 year old mindset and I don't want to be vulnerable or not be strong enough to handle it again if he is to contact me again. He is not on Facebook. I know his co-workers made him one but he never used it or whatever. I also set up a feature on facebook where I can't be found if he were to look for me.

The only way he could reach me is to call me at home or to e-mail me. He's too much of a pussy to call me.


Tinted|Satin Fuel Door|17" Konig Feathers (Gold)|Resonator Delete|Shark Fin|S2K Horns
eatmypixiedust is offline  
post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-05-2010, 04:31 PM
F1 Driver
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 4,121
Send a message via AIM to abalinka
Re: hi

[quote author=eatmypixiedust link=topic=177530.msg3753508#msg3753508 date=1281040145]
Thank you. I could use all the advice and support I can get right now. I did change my cell phone # after we broke up because he text messaged me last summer after he had moved out, and that's how it all started. I foolishly once again, thought he was sincere and wanted to change and work on our relationship. He will always have a 5 year old mindset and I don't want to be vulnerable or not be strong enough to handle it again if he is to contact me again. He is not on Facebook. I know his co-workers made him one but he never used it or whatever. I also set up a feature on facebook where I can't be found if he were to look for me.

The only way he could reach me is to call me at home or to e-mail me. He's too much of a pussy to call me.


[/quote]

Good for you! It sounds like you're on the right track to move forward in life and not make the same huge mistake again.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
abalinka is offline  
post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-05-2010, 04:41 PM Thread Starter
Grand Am Series
 
eatmypixiedust's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: California
Posts: 306
Re: hi

[quote author=abalinka link=topic=177530.msg3753514#msg3753514 date=1281040261]

Good for you! It sounds like you're on the right track to move forward in life and not make the same huge mistake again.
[/quote]

Thanks, I'm trying and it's not easy and I do stumble from time to time.... I'm trying not to be too hard on myself if I do. I guess I have to remind myself that I am only human. I do struggle with the fact that this time he is not trying to get me back. He's done that for the past 13 years but this time he isn't. Part of me is not used to it because it's all I have known. I know in my head all the logic...he's a douche, he's an ass, he's never going to change, I'm better off without him....it's my heart that is not following my head. It's really frustrating...

Tinted|Satin Fuel Door|17" Konig Feathers (Gold)|Resonator Delete|Shark Fin|S2K Horns
eatmypixiedust is offline  
post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-09-2010, 01:38 PM
Moped Rider
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: broken arrow
Posts: 48
Re: hi

there are alot of assholes out there. just keep your head up hun and youll be ok. and if u ever need a unique perspective on the male female dynamic feel free to ask me. i deff look at things differently.
Katyb is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

  FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs > Misc > Lounge > Ladies Lounge

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome