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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-16-2010, 07:20 PM Thread Starter
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bestfriends

So I had to do a pretty hard thing the other day. I cut ties with my bestfriend.

We have been friends for a substantial amount of time.
I think its funny cause I am never the strong mean type. And I feel like I might have came off kind of harsh, but I had to.
I think she has a problem with perscription pills (I have tried to help her....can't help her)
She would come into work swaying back and forth with her eyes shutting and talking all kinds of crazy stuff.
She got mad at me because I talked to a girl that she had a problem with....I never did. I am not going to stop being friends with someone because a mutual party as a problem with them.
I mean it was a combination of things that just didn't sit well with me.
Well I found out through the ppl she was working with that she was prego. She is 28, still lives at home, and is ok with that. She claims she had a job, but at the time didn't. Ppl would ask me all the time if I heard anything...No.
So Tuesday she called me twice and texted me. I spoke to my boss, who is like a mentor to me. She has been in this situation before and I wanted to get her insight on what I should do. Well I got up my courage and sent her a text msg to the effect of....
I don't think I can be a part of this situation anymore. If you're going to tell me you are prego I already know, I found out through mutual friends, You are not the most responsible person, and I am just too busy to deal with your dramatics anymore.

So she responded by basically telling me that I was turning my back on her and that I should feel guitly for not wanting to share in part of her day and thanks for throwing away such a long friendship....

I called my boss back and told her about it. She asked me how I felt. Well of course part of me wanted to cry, but the other part of me felt relieved. Today I was actually in a good mood. I wished her the best, but she has a ton of baggage and that is just not something I can deal with at this time. She just does things that I do not want to be associated with anymore.

Its weird because I don't feel like I have any close friends anymore. I have maybe one person from HS that I actually see regularly, but thats it.

Anyone else have a similar experience where you had to break ties?

Sherman- 2010 Mazda 3 Grand Touring Hatch
Lucy- 1996 Mazda Miata

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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-17-2010, 01:52 AM
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Re: bestfriends

Wow...gotta do what you gotta do though. I wouldn't have been so courageous to deal with something like that. But I'm glad you feel better about the situation

I have a story about letting go of my best friend.

We were random roommates our first year of college back in 2005. Worked out great (which seems rare in situations like that). We were inseparable that whole freshman year. Then, our second year (06-07), we got another dorm together. Everything started off fine. Then I started dating her ex-boyfriend that winter. She was cool with it, cuz she was kinda seeing someone anyway. We started looking for an apartment for the next year of college. We put a $100 deposit on the one we wanted (split if half and half). Then that spring, about a month before school was over, I broke the news that I simply could not afford the apartment and school (I was failing my classes...). She got super pissed cuz it was too late to sign up for housing on campus by that time. I came to find out from a coworker that my roomie had gotten an apartment with her for that next year. For the last month of school, she just completely ignored me. She avoided being in the room whenever possible, even if I was alone. I had my bf over all the time, but I was mostly at his apartment. I'd never been in such a situation, so I didn't know how to bring it up. I hardly saw her. It made me very upset. So one day, I texted her asking if she was ok and if everything was alright cuz of the fact she was avoiding me. She simply said everything was fine. I began crying to my bf cuz I knew there was a problem.

Then it came to the night before I was to move back home. I was in the room packing with my bf, and she came into the room with her bf to get some stuff. She was always staying with him. She initiated the goodbyes, which confused me. She hugged me and assured me everything was going to be ok between us. That made me feel better, but I was still sad. I had that gut feeling I would never hear from or see her again. About a month later that summer, she had IMed me and asked if I had broken up with my bf (I don't remember how she thought that). I simply replied 'no' and left it at that. She didn't respond or anything. She's still a friend on my facebook, but we never talk. I just wish I could talk to her again. Every time I go to Flagstaff, I know she's still living there, and part of me wishes to run into her. But the other part me of wishes not to cuz I don't know how she feels. It's so hard to lose such a good friend who was always there for you (especially when a past bf cheated on you!).

That's my story. Kind of sad really


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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-17-2010, 06:28 AM Thread Starter
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Re: bestfriends

Wow. I have a lot of instances where people started to ignore me.
My husband told me to just ignore her. I explained to him that women have different relationships with others. Men do not have the same. We are, essentially, very emotional people. Men can drop a friend on a dime and not think about it.
When she called and texted me the 2nd time, I really got stressed, and down on myself, because I knew this was going to have to be dealt with....Like I said I am not a mean person but to tell someone they are not the most responsible? I am amazed at myself. And my boss kinda was like "oh wow".
Funny thing. I tell you god is a crazy guy. I wasn't going to send the text when I did. I was actually going to draft it and wait. I am pretty sure had I not 'accidentally' hit the send button, it would still be sitting in the draft.
I just can't put myself in a situation that I know in my heart of hearts is not right!

Sherman- 2010 Mazda 3 Grand Touring Hatch
Lucy- 1996 Mazda Miata

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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-19-2010, 11:42 AM
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Re: bestfriends

Man, I know how you ladies feel, for sure.

I lived in a townhouse my sophomore year of college with 8 other girls. I shared a room with my good friend Blair from my freshmen year. We started out great... we got to know lots of the girls in our house and everything. I became REALLY close with this girl Cassie. We were inseperable! We were always together... making silly videos... getting dinner... going to class together... hanging out at night... everything. she noticed i was on a website one day and decided to join... I was like HELL YESS. all my friends on the site were super awesome to her and everything. she got really close with this guy Michael, which I didn't mind, cause it's the internet and he lived in Utah and was in the military. well... they decided to meet up. I told her it was a really bad idea... I warned her of my past and this site... and she ignored it completely and went along with it anyway... well he came out to our house for a whole week. it was fun and whatnot, we all had a good time. they had sex. she was his 75th person. can you believe that shit!? she felt so horrible.... embarassed. but she was "in love" with him. after he left, we got into a big fight over nothing... and i was like "this is not gonna last... take it from me and my experience..." and she was all "i wanna learn this on my own, i know we'll work out" blah blah blah. so after a while of them being together... we stopped talking completely. eventually, michael went back to his ex and got MARRIED 2 weeks after him and Cassie broke up. she NEVER talked to me again... b/c she knew I was right and she was hurt and whatever.

after we stopped talking, she was so upset that she started to spread rumors about me on campus about how I was anorexic. fucking bullshit let me tell ya. Yea, I'm skinny, but I NEED/WANT food like all the time. to have her say that REALLY hurt me. it was just bullshit... seriously. that summer (after soph year), she IM'd me and apologized and said all this stuff... then my ex's immature friends decided to make up shit about her... and it just all never worked out.

Apparently, she's married now and living in NY. lol random!! We are not facebook friends...

either are me and my roomie from that year, Blair. Shit blew up there too. My boyfriend got banned from the house b/c she was tired of him being over all the time. but she didn't come to ME first.... she went straight to the RA and got him banned. made no sense. lots of sleeping in my car... or at his house after that happened. and the bf's immature friends played some REALLY mean pranks on her. it wasn't cool... i didn't approve. but i couldn't control them. haven't talked to blair since that year.

College is full of drama and lies. My senior year was the best year ever. Still Best friend with my roomie from freshmen year... and I'll be moving closer to her!


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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-19-2010, 12:33 PM
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Re: bestfriends

i've been fighting with my best friend for some time now and it sucks so bad .. blah
maybe ill post back a story at another time


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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-19-2010, 12:49 PM
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Re: bestfriends

Im sorry to hear the sad stories but again you have to do what you have to do. I have a story but it is too long to explain right now since I have to get ready for work but I will give you some of it. We were friends for 8 years, best friends and I never was able to find anyone that I could get close to. Then after high school things started to happen and we stopped talking for a while, well with certain events I had to rescue her from a psychopath and I got her out of a bad situation after no one not even her family was able to get a hold of her and I knew where she was even though I havent talked to her in a long time either. Well after rescuing her other things started to happen, basically wounds werent healed and we ended out friendship and for 2 years I didnt talk to her even though she tried to reach for me and my husband was trying to push me to talk to her and I just couldnt do it. Then last year when I had my surgery I learned she too was about to have a surgery (different then mine though) and I reached out and said goodluck. That little reach out got us talking again, now we are starting to hang out time to time. We still havent reached our level of bestfriends like we used to but we are getting there.

Basically what im saying is we ended out friendship but fate had it for us to reconcile and I hope we continue on our path of healing because every person I got close to since her would always hurt me and disappoint me and I got to the point the only person I could trust was my husband and I was happy with having no friends at all, but im breaking out of that and its starting with trusting someone that I lost a long time ago.


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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-19-2010, 02:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: bestfriends

I wanted to cry after I had done it. We were friends for a good 10+ yrs. Its wierd though cause I think at times I was used. She was in my wedding and I do regret having her because she did NOTHING for me and actually owes me 120 dollars. I found these awesome dresses at macys...Problem is I couldnt find the size. We went 2hrs out of the way to get the appropriate dress size. I wanted dresses that were inexpensive, and they could wear them again if they wanted. They were 80 dollars marked off from 250. It was quite a deal. So I had my girls pay me back. One didn't. She made me late for me rehersal dinner. I was waiting for her at her parents house and her mom came out fussing weith her on the phone. Her mom told me that she was getting my money and a gift for me. I never got the money or the gift so what was she really doing? She also left our hotel room for 45 minutes to get "cigerettes"...or was she?
I am not sure. I am a very independent person. I don't need to rely on anyone. But it would be nice to have that friend who I can just BS with. Because we certainly didn't have the same hobbies. When I had my first mazda 3 she called me and laughed about the fact that I had drove all the way down to Va just to meet up with ppl who had the same car as me.
I feel a lot better this week. She is out of my life and thoughts. I wish her well, but I just can't do anything for her anymore. It would be enabling...

Sherman- 2010 Mazda 3 Grand Touring Hatch
Lucy- 1996 Mazda Miata

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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-23-2010, 08:41 AM
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Re: bestfriends

sorry this is late.... but your ex-friend sounded SO irresponsible and someone you could NEVER rely on. I guess it's a good thing you're no longer friends. It's stressful dealing with a "friend" like that.


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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-23-2010, 01:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: bestfriends

I know she is doing stuff she shouldn't be doing...i had someone walk up to me at work and ask me what happened...I guess his sister hangs out with her or something. Said she was upset....So I told him...of course he agrees with me. I had 3 ppl tell me 3 different stories...from having a job, to not having a job....

It sad.. I am such a nice person and just to be treated like that. So I was a little naive...i figured it out...

Sherman- 2010 Mazda 3 Grand Touring Hatch
Lucy- 1996 Mazda Miata

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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-23-2010, 01:35 PM
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Re: bestfriends



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