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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-06-2008, 12:09 PM Thread Starter
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boyfriend issues

Hey, so I don't post often, but I lurk around a lot. Anyway, I had this big discussion with my boyfriend yesterday, and he makes me think that I'm crazy. I got upset with him because I felt that he was smoking up too often and I told him I thought that he needs to find a nondrug induced method of relaxation. We are grad students and work ~14 hour days, so it's his way of relaxing after work (not every day, but a lot of days). I don't think this is okay, and told him that I can't really be with someone who does this so often. He saw it as me giving him an ultimatum and got defensive. It's not that I wanted to break up with him over it, but if it's such a big part of his life, I couldn't see myself having children with him. Anyway, the compromise we reached is that he's going to cut back. He also said that he doesn't see this being part of his life forever, which had always been one of my concerns. The issue is that he had a much more liberal upbringing than I did, and it's just part of his lifestyle and that of most of his friends. He thinks I'm overreacting, but I know if it's something that is going to upset me over and over that I needed to say something. Am I overreacting? Is it not really as big of a deal as I made of it?
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-06-2008, 12:24 PM
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Re: boyfriend issues

Now let me ask what you mean by "smoking up". Illegal drugs or cigarettes? None the less I don't think you are over reacting. it is normal to get frustrated by what your significant other does. I honestly could never be with a guy that smoked at all. Turn off. Also may I ask how old you are? I am sorry to hear this is happening to you. I hope it gets cleared up for you. you guys both need to respect eachothers feelings....COMMUNICATION IS KEY

Tiffany Geotsalitis

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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-06-2008, 05:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: boyfriend issues

I'm 26, he's 29, we've been dating for a year. I always said smoking of any sort was a deal breaker, but sometimes you can't help falling for someone.
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-06-2008, 05:20 PM
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Re: boyfriend issues

I guess I always placed my health before any guy. I would never be with someone who smokes.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-06-2008, 08:06 PM
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Re: boyfriend issues

[quote author=daisy351 link=topic=130202.msg2790161#msg2790161 date=1228601731]
I'm 26, he's 29, we've been dating for a year. I always said smoking of any sort was a deal breaker, but sometimes you can't help falling for someone.
[/quote]

that's true, you gotta make him understand that you're telling him these things only because you care about him and his future.


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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-06-2008, 11:17 PM
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Re: boyfriend issues

If you are referring to smoking weed make sure that if you do plan to have kids that he doesn't smoke for several weeks before conception as the drug can affect his sperm. Good luck with your relationship--almost everyone at my college smokes weed to some extent.

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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-22-2008, 02:37 PM
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Re: boyfriend issues

i don't think you're overreacting. he's doing something illegal. there are a ton of other things i could think of to relax after a long day.


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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 01:46 PM
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Re: boyfriend issues

I had that same issue!! Except this was for drinking and smokeing. Im (straight-edge) we are also trying to reach compromise. Hes been makeing the same promises for a while now >[email protected] patience is growing short and i get frustrated everytime i see him lite up or text me "on a buzz". Finally we made a set date, a goal to quit. If he doesn't, im going to have to break up with him because i cant live with someone like that. Be assertive and make him understand that this upsets you. If he wants you bad enough he will fight. hope everything gets resolved sweetie
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 01:58 PM
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Re: boyfriend issues

This is a dig deal, if its affecting your happiness and bogging you down, take action!
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 04:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: boyfriend issues

Well he finally realized how important this was to me, and has been soooo much better about it.
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