Need your help and opinions on friendship - FMVperformance.com : The site for all your Ford Mazda and Volvo needs
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-30-2008, 01:06 AM Thread Starter
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Need your help and opinions on friendship

Hi girls I have a problem with a girl I thought was my friend. Its a long story but ill try to make it as short as possible.

I have a friend who I considered my best friend, I met her through my boyfriend because she works at the same place he does. I was a little worried at first because she was talking to my boyfriend and he talked highly of her so I knew I had to see who this girl was. We met at a wedding we all were invited to and I got to know here and we partied, drank danced laughed and had an all out good time. Since then we became very close and good friends.

Here is where the problem starts. She has a few problems in life, which we all do so I never cared, I gave her love and support, a shoulder to cry on and i always gave her my highest opinion on what I thought was best for her from my point of view. There is this guy who she considers her best friend but I always knew she wanted more. The guy treats her like shit, he is only around when he needs something from her and he told her multiple times they would never be together because they were 2 different ethnic and religious backgrounds. She still loves him to death and will drop everything for him. Well my boyfriend and I tell her constantly he isnt good for her and he wont go out with her that she needs to stop wasting her time on him and start seeing new people, but when she does it doesnt work out, but I think she doesnt really try. This guy has her wrapped around her finger. So my boyfriend and I decided to not be a part of the situation (oh and this guy is my boyfriends boss also, so for the sake of his job he doesnt want to be involved with either of them talking about eachother). Well one night we go out to eat and we are having a great time, then this guy calls. Out of fun I grabbed the phone from her before she answered, I never intended to not give it to her. She suddenly just snapped at me saying that it wasnt cool I did that and the he was her BEST FRIEND and walked away to talk on the phone. I was like WTF just happened? So the bill comes we pay and she is outside talking still and we decided prior to all this we were going to see a movie. So she goes in her car and my boyfriend and I go in his. We get to the theater and she was off the phone and I appologized for taking the phone away that it was meant out of good fun not to be mean. Well she starts going off on me saying the He needed her and he had a lot on his plate and that its her best friend and she hates when people takes the phone and it was rude of me and etc. So I said I was sorry again I didnt mean it that way to upset her....needless to say it hasnt been good since.

Now there is more I must add, a week before this she did something to me that was sooooo extremely horrible and a true friend wouldnt do to anyone and when I told her it upset me the next day I made sure she understood I was hurt. She said she was sorry and didnt mean to hurt me and in less then a second I accecpted that appology, that is all I wanted. I am very easy to please, if I am hurt all I want is a sincere appology, that is all and if I get that I forgive very quickly. I wont go into what she did to hurt me, just know it was so bad I was up half the night crying over it.

So with those 2 things being said I must continue. So after yelling at me and not seemingly taking my apology I was hurt again. She referred everyone to being her best friend and so it made me feel like shit, like WTF am I to you then? I expect an apology from her now and she told my boyfriend she will not do it, that she doesnt feel she did anything wrong to me. But this is what she did wrong, she went overboard and yelled at me, didnt accept my apology after I accepted hers a week before and what I did was nothing compared to what she did to me. And she is being a complete bitch to me now and I feel as a friend, after all the things i have done for her, I deserve an apology because this is killing me inside. I did everything for this girl, all the support and ill tell you what, I gave her 5,000% support, help and my sould and she only gave me 20% in return. I feel now our friendship is one sided and that she could care less about me.

I will end this now, my problem is this. She is still talking to my boyfriend and wanting to hang out like nothing is wrong and that pisses me the F off. She hurts me twice in 2 weeks, told my boyfriend she doesnt think she needs to say she is sorry to me because she did nothing wrong and still talks with my boyfriend like la la la all is ok. Well guess what I am not ok with that. I told my boyfriend on the phone until this gets resolved the idea of her talking to him, calling him, texting him, and seeing her when im not there upsets me. Then I told him if things dont get resolved I will not want him to see her or talk to her. I feel like a total bitch for making him choose but its me or her at this point I feel and of course he would choose me, but that would only but a bad notch in our relationship in the future because im making him choose. He understands how I feel though, he heard me crying on the phone today and he hates being stuck in the middle, I hate it too but that is how its going to be. I told him if it was the opposite, I had a guy friend that we all liked, then one day he upset him and didnt like him anymore im sure my boyfriend would not want me socializing with him, and I would understand that.

So what do you think I should do, I am very stubborn to an extent but all I ask for is a sorry, thats it nothing more nothing less. She is the one that doesnt want to give it. So I feel she can either stop being stubborn herself and call me and apologize, or she can lose 2 friends. I said my sorry to her and I was sincere about it, but apparently my friendship doesnt mean anything to her if she cant show the same to me after all I have done for her.

Thank you for reading I know I said I would try to keep it short but that is the best I could do lol

-Niki


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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-30-2008, 01:23 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Need your help and opinions on friendship

Also I wouldnt mind the guys point of view on this but only if it is a serious answer, not to bash me for making my boyfriend choose.

Here is my question for you and you can PM me your thoughts since this is the ladies lounge. If you were put into a similuar situation where you were friends with a girl and introduced your girlfriend to her and they became great friends and all was sunshine and giggles, but something happened where that girl did 2 really bad things to your girlfriend and your friend didnt want to do anything to make it right what would you do? You are now put into the middle of your girlfriend and your friend. Your friend tells you her side, then your girlfriend is telling you her side of the story. You have been dating your girlfriend for at least almost 2 years or more and only been friends with this other girl for 5 or 6 months. If your girlfriend was so hurt by this situation and your friend doesnt do anything to resolve the fight and your girlfriend told you she wasnt ok with the 2 of you hanging out or talking would you stop for your girlfriend? After trying to resolve this issue with both girls and still nothing has changed would you do what is needed for your girlfriend even if that means ending a friendship with your friend. Now this needs to be a friend who is a girl, I know woman have issues with their mans boyfriends but its different when another girl is talking to your boyfriend, and you hate that girl, its territory you dont want the enemy to be on or near lol.


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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-30-2008, 01:46 AM
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Re: Need your help and opinions on friendship

He sides with you honey... if someone turned on my girlfriend and expected me to be cool about it I would stand up for her a relationship means something.. a union between 2 people.. if your friend was talking about your boyfriend... for exactly how long would you let her go before you said haha ok enough girls he is my bf..... that girl is simply taking the fact that she is prob nothing more then a booty call to this guy out on you because she knows that you and your b.f. both know it

Furthermore shes being childish and quite immature by screaming in public. you don't need her drama you need to be strong tell your bf do as he pleases yet you do not agree with talking with her anymore then need be... since do work together and 1 of 2 things will happen.... 1 she will accept your apology along with an apology from herself on her actions or 2 she won't and remain immature either way you'll be in a better way

argueing will solve nothing, along with starting a fight with your boyfriend over it you'd be likely to make 2 people mad....

Good luck hun
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-30-2008, 02:02 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Need your help and opinions on friendship

thanks I appreciate it, im just trying to make sure im not the bad one here.

I am not worried about her being a booty call or ever wishing to be but the idea of them talking and her laughing (she laughs at everything) because of something my boyfriend said and being all friendly with him gets my blood boiling....my boyfriend wants us to fix this and i know he is the only one that is going to get one of us to talk to eachother. She is greek and I am german/italian, 2 hard headed woman can only end in a bad way.

He knows I dont mean to do this to him to get him upset, he knows the last thing I want to do is put him into this position of losing a friend because of me, but he is ready to take the step of ending that friendship for me. I dont want to lose her as a friend, but i feel so betrayed and hurt from her im afraid we will never be the same again


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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-30-2008, 07:58 AM
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Re: Need your help and opinions on friendship

so he works with her but you don't want him to be around her when you're not there? no offense that seems kind of selfish and controlling not to mention unfair to him.

BUT if she's a true friend and cares she will apologize... maybe it will take a while but it sounds like she's peter whipped at the moment & when things end up not going so good w/ her guy she will need someone to cry to. it sucks that people are like that but I think we've all known someone/been in that situation ourselves, where we put our SO before our longtime friends.

if I missed anything important, I'm sorry... some of it was tl;dr.

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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-30-2008, 09:58 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Need your help and opinions on friendship

well thats just it steph I know its extremely unfair to him and she actually only works with him sometimes. They work for the same company but not the same store. She goes there to help the dude she is in love with. I dont care if he would see her at work or anything like that but its outside of work that would bother me. She got him a pair of $300+ prada glasses and goes out of her way to do things for my boyfriend sometimes not to mention is close to my boyfriends family that isnt 100% ok with me yet (that would go into the first thing she did extremely wrong to me). She does some things I cant do for my boyfriend because im not financially able to or I just cant because im working. I feel a lot of things she crossed the line of being a friend and almost acts like she wants to be his girlfriend. Which I know wont happen but she calls him ALL day long, texts him ALL day long, its a lot of crap that I just couldnt really add. It always bothered me a little, but I was her friend so I was for the most part comfortable with it all. But if she cant make nice with me I will not like her being so buddy buddy with my boyfriend when she cant even give me the time of day I wont do it.

This is what is so hard for me, I am not the kind of girl that gets jealous and my boyfriend knows that, but I am hurt by my friend who doesnt even show me right now she is my friend. She is putting me into the position where im not going to like her doing the things with my boyfriend that she used to and my boyfriend understands that. Its putting more stress on him more then anyone else at this point. I didnt want to lie to him and pretend I would be ok when in all honesty it wont be. I flat out told him if it ended up the way its going and isnt fixed, he can thank her for that. And if she gets pissed because I would be taking her friend away, she can blame herself for that.


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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-30-2008, 10:38 AM
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Re: Need your help and opinions on friendship

hmmm, yeah that is a shitty friend... you walk a fine line when you're friends with a guy who has a girlfriend (whether you're friends with his girl or not) & it sounds like she crossed it. One of my best friends is a guy (well I haven't talked to him in a while, he put his new girlfriend over all of his friends, not just me) & when we'd go out we'd buy rounds of drinks, or if we hang out or go out to eat, we'd pick up each others tabs or something... but buying your man $300 sunglasses? yeah that's a little weird & i can totally see how the things she's been doing hurts you. honestly she sounds like a toxic friend, maybe it would be best for both of you to cut ties

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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-30-2008, 11:15 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Need your help and opinions on friendship

yeah see little things like that I really dont care about, picking up dinner or whatever. But getting him glasses, then when he wants to pay her back for them and she wont tell him how much or except the money is like wtf that an outragous gift out of no where. I want to be the one giving him things like that not her.

I never once out of the 2 years of dating my boyfriend said he wasnt allowed to talk to a girl or hangout with a girl or a friend for that matter, but I would express my feelings if I wasnt comfortable about it. Like a if a coworker that is a girl that I never met started calling or texting him then I will be a little paranoid and expect to be introduced to that girl so I know who she is and she understands he has a girlfriend not to cross lines. Then after that I will be more ok with whoever he hangs out with. But if I am done wrong in anyway by that friend (especially if its a girl) I will not want him choosing to hangout with that person when im not around. I trust my boyfriend 100%, but its the girls I dont trust. I trusted this girl with my life and she tarnished that now. And I am sure you all know girls we can be sneaky and will get what we want no matter what it takes to get it. And the moment any girl knows a man is taken its like he is a must have all of a sudden lol.



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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-30-2008, 11:17 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Need your help and opinions on friendship

oh I just got a text from her asking when I work, I replied and she said she will call me on lunch break. Looks like my boyfriend told her she needs to step up and talk to me after what happened last night on the phone with him.

I am going to stand my ground with her and I am expecting an apology, if I dont get that apology I will just have to flat out tell her, I guess that is what my friendship means to her and im hanging that damn phone up.


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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-30-2008, 02:53 PM
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Re: Need your help and opinions on friendship

i would tell her everything you just told us and let her know you can no longer be friends with her unless an apology is received. she was a total bitch to you in public and i think an apology is deserved. if she doesn't understand that then she is retarded. sounds like her guy "best friend" has screwed with her priorities.

it does suck that your bf and her still work together otherwise you could just cut off your relationship with her.


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