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post #1 of 54 (permalink) Old 08-06-2007, 12:28 PM Thread Starter
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I need some relationship advice.

Okay, as a few of you know my boyfriend and I are combating a 6-7 hour long distance relationship during most (75-80%) of the year. Ken goes to school fulltime in Washington, DC., and I stay in CT and go to school fulltime and work. We have been dating a year and a few months, and honestly, I love him with all my heart. We had been friends for a few years before we started dating. I have had a few boyfriends before and they honestly stand no comparison to him. When we are together I have never been happier. He treats me like a queen (random flowers, sweet romantic words, etc.) and I don't think I'd find someone who would treat me better.

Unfortunately when we are apart it is another story. I am not very good with long distance--I need the intimacy (not just sex... hugs and kisses are the main thing). I have to deal with my sister and her boyfriend who love to just schmooze in front of me and remind me my boyfriend is far away. Sometimes we go one or two months without seeing eachother at all. Honestly by the end of week one I am going out of my mind and we're at eachother's throats.

We dealt with it all last year, and I don't know if I can do it again. With my car payments I can't afford to make any trips to DC (other than the one road trip I am planning in October for the NE meet in DC), and he can't afford to come home a lot either. We're looking at seeing eachother maybe 4 times in 4 months. Not only this, but we dealt with it last year and will deal with it for the next 2+ years until we graduate college.

I am only 20 (will be 21 in about a month) and I have the world and my whole life in front of me--hell, we both do. I almost want to end it at the close of summer and go on with my life... but I also know I won't date anyone else for a long time. So it is almost like... why end it if I don't want anyone else? But I also can't handle this anymore. I love him too much to let go, and I know he feels the same way. But I don't want to spend another 2+ years absolutely miserable. I don't know what to do.. any advice?

:sad: :sad:


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post #2 of 54 (permalink) Old 08-06-2007, 12:40 PM
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Re: I need some relationship advice.

You're in a tough spot IMO. I know you love him but you're so right, you're only 20. Would taking a break until you graduate be an option? It could spare you a lot of unhappiness for the time being.

However I am in the same spot as you - ending my relationship not because I want someone else but because I was miserable (for different reasons). So if you need a shoulder...

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post #3 of 54 (permalink) Old 08-06-2007, 04:12 PM
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Re: I need some relationship advice.

Could one of you transfer schools? Long distance relationships are tough but they can be very rewarding. If you can make it though this then you know your relationship can go withstand anything that comes your way.

Good luck.
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post #4 of 54 (permalink) Old 08-06-2007, 04:59 PM
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Re: I need some relationship advice.

The point of staying in or leaving a relationship should not be dictated by your intentions to be with someone else but whether you want to be with your current partner.

If you think you want to stay in this LD relationship just because you don't plan on dating anyone else says a lot IMO, basically you're waiting for a better offer and until it happens you can put up with the stress of your current situation.

I've seen LDRs work and others that haven't. You're only 20 and he is also very young, these are the years you should be enjoying time with friends, college acquaintances, dating, not the time for pining away for someone too far away to hold when you need.

I have been in a couple of these and one worked and one didin't. The one that didn't was weird cause we were driving distance apart (3-4 hrs) and the one that did work required flying to visit. The one that didn't work I was younger 25-26 and it just seemed at the end of the week the last thing I wanted to do was get in my car and drive 4 hrs in the rain, snow, sun, whatever, but since I was the one with the car I had to do ALL the driving. The one that worked I was older (34) and we were both committed and mature enough to weather the time apart.

Ultimately you need to make a decision, look at the pros and cons of staying in the relationship or leaving. If you two are meant to be together some day down the road you will. I have two friends who went out for a year LD, decided they couldn't do it, met randomly (at my house) 10 yrs later and are now happily married. Everything happens for a reason so no matter which direction you decide to follow it will be the right one.





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post #5 of 54 (permalink) Old 08-06-2007, 06:00 PM
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Re: I need some relationship advice.

+1


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post #6 of 54 (permalink) Old 08-07-2007, 09:36 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I need some relationship advice.

[quote author=Fantom link=topic=85437.msg1616327#msg1616327 date=1186433994]
If you think you want to stay in this LD relationship just because you don't plan on dating anyone else says a lot IMO, basically you're waiting for a better offer and until it happens you can put up with the stress of your current situation.
[/quote]

Honestly that is not what I meant. I'm just saying that even if we did split up for the school year I don't want to date anyone but him, and thus would have no intentions of getting into another relationship.

I guess what I am saying is that if I let him go and we break up, I don't want to wonder the rest of my life if I passed up the best thing that had ever happened to me.


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post #7 of 54 (permalink) Old 08-07-2007, 10:51 AM
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Re: I need some relationship advice.

Wish you luck. If you are truly happy then I say try to stick it out. You need to do what is in your heart.

Tiffany Geotsalitis

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post #8 of 54 (permalink) Old 08-07-2007, 11:14 AM
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Re: I need some relationship advice.

what does he have to say about it?


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post #9 of 54 (permalink) Old 08-07-2007, 11:19 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I need some relationship advice.

He definitely wants to stay together.


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post #10 of 54 (permalink) Old 08-07-2007, 12:41 PM
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Re: I need some relationship advice.

Then if you both can stick it out, keep working at it. As they say if its meant to be, everything will work itself out.


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